


The Band

by Danishartist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Band Fic, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Humor, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, M/M, Music, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Songwriting, Underage Drinking, Young Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-05 03:32:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3103949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danishartist/pseuds/Danishartist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jean suddenly drops out of the band merely a month away from the band competition, Armin, Mikasa, Connie and Eren are forced to find a new singer for their band. They discover Levi's talents and begs him to do it, and he agrees. But they quickly realise they've gotten more than they bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Called Me A Girl

Thursday, 6.11.14

"Will you just shut up for a second?"

"How can you be so selfish?" I growled, clenching my hands into fists. "Do you have any idea how much this hurts us? There's less than a month to the competition!"

He shrugged, showing no emotion at all. His hands were buried in his pockets, his guitar already hanging on his back.

"We _need_ those songs, you can't just take them!" Connie said, jumping into the argument to support me.

"Yes, actually I can. They're _my_ songs, so I can do whatever I want with them." He said, while starting to walk towards the door.

"Hey, come back here! We aren't done yet!" I yelled, taking a step forward.

Without turning around, he just hold up a hand and waved before exiting the room. The sound of the door closing was the only thing to hear in the room for the next seconds. I finally turned around to face the other bandmembers.

"Guys, I'm so sorry … I guess we'll have to quit the competition then … "

Mikasa placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt all of my energi drain out, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. I really felt like giving up – it felt impossible to move on.

"No, Eren. We shouldn't give up yet. We just have to find another Jean!"

"How are we going to do that?" I sat down on the nearest chair, and buried my face min my palms. "Let's face it, it's over. We can't make 2 whole songs from the start like that without another guitarist and singer. Sure, I could write the songs, but … They could never be as good as Jean's was. And we would have to practice a lot of the time,"

The silence surrounded them again, before Armin kneeled down in front of me, putting his hands on my knees. I raised my head to look him in his eyes.

"Then we'll just have to find another singer who can play guitar, right? That wouldn't be as hard,"

He sent me an optimistic smile, reassuring me that everything would be fine, surely. I returned it with a half one, not so sure.

What could go wrong?

\- - - - -

Tuesday, 11.11.14

It took us 4 days, until we found one. Or, well, found or forced. It really depends on what word to use.

Connie and Armin had seen him play guitar in the park at the school grounds. He went to our school as well, he was just a senior where we were juniors. Connie and Armin had heard him play by accident when walking to class, but they didn't even hesitate to ask him. They said that he had been very reluctant at first, but then Armin had convinced him somehow – I was never told how.

He had promised to come after school the next day, to check us out. 'To see if you are even worth something' had his exact words been.

When it had been 20 minutes past the time he was supposed to come, I had started to lose hope.

"I'm going out to check the halls. Maybe he's just lost," I mumbled, but no one was really listening anyway. I walked to the door, but just when I was about to reach the doorknob, it suddenly opened, hitting me in an instant.

I let out a cry before falling right on my back, hitting my head lightly against the floor.

"Idiot," I heard somebody say, and after only a few seconds Mikasa had run over to me.

"Eren, are you okay?"

I sat up quickly, nudging my head gently. It hurt like hell, but at least I was still conscious. It would have been rather embarrassing to have been knocked out by a door.

Remembering that, I looked up to see who had opened it in the first place. A young guy was standing at the end of my feet with his arms crossed. Most of his clothes were black, and his hair was the same as well. He didn't seem tall, but his eyes was what caught my attention the most. They were small and grey, and they weren't just looking at me, it felt like they were _boring_ into my scalp. He was tapping his foot, seemingly annoyed.

 _Wait, what?_ I thought, confused. Why was he annoyed, when I was the one who was hurt?

"I'm fine," I assured Mikasa, but she still helped me get up. When reaching my full height, I quickly noticed how short the older guy actually was.

At least, that made me feel a little better.

"Hi, I guess I didn't see you there," I said in a polite manner, wanting to make the guy like me.

"Whatever brat, should we just get this over with already? I'm late for an appointment already,"

I was just about to take step forward, when Mikasa grabbed my arm to hold me back. I stopped, unclenching my fists, and took a deep breath.

 _We need him,_ I reminded myself.

"Okay then, you can just sit down over there, and we'll play for you. But, um, keep in mind that you're supposed to take the place as our singer, so we don't have anyone to sing the song right now,"

He shrugged, already walking over to the couch.

"Alright, get going then," He sighed, crossing his legs.

I bit my lip, getting a bad feeling. His attitude was not positive at all – it didn't even seem like he wanted to be here.

Then why waste time trying to convince someone who had already made up his mind?

We got into our places, and I tested some of the strings to make sure that it had the right tune.

"Alright, this one's called 'Fight or Flee'," I said out to the room, not wanting to have eye contact with the rude guy again.

Connie counted to four while hitting his drumsticks together, and then we started playing.

The whole way through the song, I couldn't stop myself from peeking at him from time to time though, but he seemed to have no emotions in his face at all. It was like a blank facade all the way through. A bit disappointed, I continued until the song was over.

This was the song that we were best and most experienced with, but he didn't seem impressed at all.

"So, what do you think?" Armin asked, rising from the keyboards. "Do you want to consider joining us? We need a singer who can play guitar and sing, for a music competition that are happening at the end of the month,"

I catiously put my guitar down, to walk down from the stage, and the others did the same.

"We really need somebody, and fast," I joined in. I didn't want to seem desperate to this guy, but the truth was that I was. If he wouldn't join, then how long would it take to find another? And would we then have enough time to practice? I doubted it.

I really didn't like this guy at all though, and he would probably be a pain in the ass, but Armin had assured me that he was more than skilled.

He kept sitting on the couch, but his arms tightly crossed over his chest were starting to loosen.

"That was horrible," He finally answered. "The blond girl kept hitting the wrong chords on the keyboard," He raised a hand and pointed at Armin. "And Baldie there had no rhythm at all," His finger pointed at Connie now. "And don't even get me started on you," He said, looking directly at me. My face completely flustered, and I was pretty sure that Connie and Armin's did the same. I didn't know if I should be angry or ashamed.

"The only one remotely good, was you." He said, lastly pointing at Mikasa. "But you look so dead on stage, that I thought you were sleeping. It was indeed horrible,"

I looked at her to see her reaction, but she kept her cool. Only her jaw clenched.

"You need a lot of work," He said, before standing up. " It's almost pathetic that you are thinking of playing live. For other people. Ugh,"

He furrowed his brows, looking very displeased.

"Be here the day after tomorrow, after school, and we'll work on your skills,"

He put his hands in his pocket, and with his foot he kicked the door open to get out of there.

Confused, I just stood there, watching him leave.

"Was that … A yes?" I asked the others, who apparently was in shock as well.

"I think so," Connie answered, before scratching his head.

Armin put his hands up to his cheeks, that were still incredibly red, mumbling something that you would have to focus on, if you wanted to hear it.

"H-He called me a girl,"


	2. Practicing Is Hard

Thursday, 13.11.14

This time he was already waiting for us, when we arrived. We were all in the same class, so it was easier to schedule the practice after that. Just coming from gym class, we were all tired and having wet hair. It was something I hated having, because my hair was just long enough for my wet locks to cling to my neck, and I absolutely despised that feeling.

"Finally," He growled, clearly irritated by waiting for so long.

"Sorry, we had to shower afterwards," Mikasa said in a tone that told us all, that she was clearly not sorry at all.

"So Armin e-mailed me the lyrics and chords to the song, and I ran through them last night. It wasn't exactly bad," He said, reluctant with the compliment. At least that was what I thought it was.

"Thanks," I said in passing. I noticed how his left eyebrow slighty raised up a bit, as if he was actually impressed.

I hated that I actually felt proud to get his respect. It wasn't something that I was hoping for, or wanting. But apparently, his recognition was more important than I would have thought. That's what was annoying me.

"Oh, you wrote it?" He said casually, sounding like he didn't really cared, and I nodded proudly. Only a second passed, before he spoke again.

"I wrote some changes to it. It's not bad, but it still needs a lot of work,"

He handed me a paper, that I grabbed hesistantly. I looked down on it, and surprisingly enough it was my text. Yeah, with a lot of pressure on the was. Everywhere on it, there was a red marker, either crossing out sentences, or making new ones. He had said there would be some changes, yet it seemed like he had changed all the lyrics.

"What the hell?" I bursted out, letting all my anger flow out in the words. "You changed it all!"

"As I said, it's a good place to start. But you have to keep developing it, or else it won't get better," He sent me a smile, but there wasn't anything nice about it. It was rather like a smirk, him seeming so satisfied with my annoyance.

"Let's get to it then," He said, rubbing his hands together. "I brought my own guitar, if you don't mind," He grabbed the guitar bag, pulling out a beautiful, white Gibson. I swallowed, clearly impressed. I only owned a simple, black Fender – the cheap, beginner one. Either he was so talented that nothing below it would suit him, or he just had too much money to spend. Either way, I was intrigued, and now also excited to hear him play.

"Is that a Gibson Les Paul?" I asked hesistantly, my fingers itching to touch it. I gribbed tighter around my own guitar for some self-control.

"It is," He answered shortly, cutting me off abruptly. A bit disappointed, I went to stand on my usual place on the stage, and the others did as well.

Connie counted to 4, and we started playing. After the intro, the guy placed himself right in front of the microphone, and opened his mouth.

My jaw dropped, and I couldn't keep my eyes off him for the rest of the song. I ended up playing additional wrong chords, but I almost didn't care.

He sang so _beautifully_. I had never heard anything like that before. His voice was so deep and mellow, making a unique timbre. He had no problems reaching the high notes as well, and he even did a lot of small effects as well, giving the song his own song.

He was much more talented than Jean had been. He would be a perfect fit for their band, if it wasn't for his attitude.

How could such a perfect, beautiful voice be owned by such a mean personality?

We ended the song, and then just stood there for a moment, not saying anything. The instruments sounds slowly died out, making an awkward silence.

"That's was amazing!" Armin bursted out, standing out. "I think we actually have a shot at this!" He smiled at me, his eyes sparkling with hope, and I returned it with just a big smile.

"Yeah! That was great, um … " I slowed down, suddenly realising that I didn't even knew his name.

"Rivaille," He said quitly, apparently annoyed that he had to tell me.

"Rivaille," I repeated with a mumble, tasting the word in my mouth, making sure that I was pronouncing it right.

"We should do it again. You all made mistakes," He quickly turned around to look at us all. "We'll play until it's perfect,"

\- - - - - 

After 2 hours of constant practicing, we were finally done.

Or so I thought.

My whole body ached as I packed down the guitar in its bag, and I started putting my yellow jacket on.

"That's a horrible colour," Rivaille commented behind me, grabbing at the end of the jacket and pulling it. Irritated, I slapped his hand away as I turned around.

"Well, it keeps me warm and that's all I need," I said, showing him that his attempt at making me embarrassed had failed.

He shrugged, looking at the others that were already walking out the door.

"See you monday!" He yelled sternly at them, and I could hear most of them sigh loudly, before the door closed.

"Well … I'll see you monday then," I mumbled quickly, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.

"No, you'll have to stay here for a little while longer," He said calmly, sitting down on the couch. He patted the seat beside him, hinting that I should join him.

I hesitated before putting down my guitar bag. I didn't move though.

"Why? What do you want?"

He rolled his eyes, sighing.

"Get over yourself, brat. I'm the singer, and you're the one writing the songs. I was thinking that we should work together on the pieces that we are supposed to play at the competition,"

My body tensed up hearing him say that.

"What? N-No, I'll just write them myself, and then you can look them over, and – " I muttered, taking a step back.

"Are you stupid? That's gonna take way more time than is necessary. It's way more efficient my way,"

He stared at me with those grey, cold eyes. I started to feel nervous.

"Are you going to sit down, or what?"

I went over to him reluctantly, sitting down on the couch as far away for him as possible.

"Do you want to work on them now?" I asked, crossing my arms. He shook his head lightly, making his black locks sway over his forehead. It mesmerised me, but only for a second.

"Of course not. It's gonna take much longer than that," He reached into his pocket, pulling out a black phone, and started to push the buttons on it.

"This weekend, my house. Saturday, 11 am. Give me your number,"

it was almost as if he was just spitting out orders. Annoyed but not really in a position to say no, I gave him my number.

"I'll text you the adress. Don't be late,"

"Is there anything you want me to bring?" I asked slowly, my mind still trying to comprehend what he had just said.

"No, I have a guitar that you can use. But bring your notebook, if you have one,"

I turned my head a bit to the side, pursing my lips a bit.

"A notebook?"

He looked like he wanted to facepalm himself.

"Jesus Christ … Don't you write songs? You know, a notebook where you write all your thoughts, ideas and inspirations down in it,"

"Ohh!" I said, finally realising.

An awkward pause followed.

"So?"

"So what?"

He looked like he had to control himself, stopping himself from hitting me.

"Do. You. Have. One?"

"Yeah, I do," I nodded quickly, not wanting to piss him off any further. His left eye had been starting to twitch dangerously.

"Good," He said, leaning back into couch, as if he could finally relax. I kept sitting at the edge of the seat, nervous and a little bit frightened by his presence.

"So tell me more about this competition," He said, closing his eyes.

This made me feel more at ease, and I felt like I could lean back as well. It was easier, when he wasn't staring at me all the time, making me feel very uncomfortable.

"Um, it's something that's being held every year. The winners get to sign a contract with a music studio, and a prize of 10,000 dollars. So if we win, we'll get 2,000 dollars each. Um …" I started thinking of what else to tell him. "Every band has to play 2 songs, the first being up beat, and the other being a slow one. To show to judges that you can do both, I guess." I shrugged even though he couldn't see me.

"It's the on the 30th November, so we have a little over 2 weeks to practice. We were really lucky to find you though … Without you, I think we would have had to quit it," I had just started to blabble, not even really noticing him anymore. I had leaned my head against the cushion behind us, and now I was just staring up into the ceiling.

It wasn't usual for me to do that kind of thing at all.

"Jean really fucked us hard, when he left. He didn't even care," I bit my bottom lip, remembering our previous arguments. "He had written only some parts of the songs that we were going to use, but all the music to it. So when he left, he took it all with him," I started to get absent-minded, just fiddling with my blue shirt. "He didn't even tell us the reason why he left … It was so weird,"

"Why can't we use the song that we just played? Then we would only have to make one more song," He stated, as if we hadn't thought about it before.

"The rules say that the songs have to be fresh, and this one I wrote a year ago. We've used it at multiple gigs, so it would be noticable to use it again … Shit," I sighed. "Jean really screwed us over,"

I zoomed out just by thinking about it, and the next thing bringing my back into reality, was when Rivaille placed a hand on my leg.

"Oi. Forget about him. You have me now, okay?"

I blinked a few times before looking at him, surprised at the sudden touch. It sent shivers through my body, and when he noticed my reaction, he quickly removed it again.

"Yeah, okay." I mumbled, sitting up straight again. "Actually, that was something that I wanted to ask you about,"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting to hear the question.

"Why did you choose to join us? I mean … You're a senior, and you even told us that we were bad … So why?"

He looked at me for a long moment, clearly thinking the question over.

"I like improving things. And you all seemed to need a huge improvement, that's why," He stood up, and put on his jacket.

I looked at him, jaw dropped. Had he just managed to offend me _again_?


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday, 15.11.14.

After getting a text with his address and realising how close it was to my house, I grabbed my bicycle and drove over there. It only took about 15 minutes, but I was still removing a light layer of sweat from my forehead when climbing down from the bicycle and placing it in the driveway.

I looked at the house for a moment, taking in its beauty. It was big, with a garden in the front as well, and it seemed to be tended to regularly. It all looked neat – maybe a bit too perfect.

I proceeded to walk up to the front door, and rang the doorbell. As the seconds went by, I started getting nervous.

Had he giving me the wrong address? Or did he give it to me on purpose, just to fuck with me?

My thumbs were pressing against each other, when someone finally opened the door.

"Hello dear," An old woman answered, pressing her glasses further up her nose so she could see me properly.

"Ah, hello ma'am. I was supposed to meet someone here, but I'm not exactly sure if he lives here," I said, biting my lip.

She looked at me in confusement for a moment, before her whole face lightened up in joy.

"You're here to see Rivaille? How wonderful! Come in, come in," She took a step back so I could walk inside, and then closed the door behind me. The inside of the house smelled wonderful, and my mouth instantly watered.

"It's smells really good. Are you baking something?" I asked politely, while looking around. The walls where white, but there were hanging pictures and dry flowers everywhere.

"Yes, a lemon cake! I made it for you and Rivaille, but it's not done yet," She said, before walking down the hallway. She walked very slowly, and it was first then I realised that she also had a cane.

"So, um … Where is Rivaille?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting to be impolite.

"His room is upstairs. You'll now it when you see it," She said, waving her hand as a signal for me to go.

The stairs was right beside the front door, so after I took off my shoes and jacket, I ran up the stairs. Another hallway appeared in front of me with two doors on each side, and one in the end. All of them looked like normal doors, so the woman wasn't right after all. I had no idea which one was Rivaille's room.

"Hello?" I called out while walking slowly down the hall. When getting nearer to the end, I noticed the drawings on the outer sides of the door, filled with different musical notes.

I grabbed the doorknob, opening it slowly just so I could have a chance to peak in before entering. In the same moment the door was ripped open, and the rough pull of the door had pulled me forward as well.

I landed on my stomach inside the bedroom, face first into the floor.

" _Fuck_ ," I cursed, trying to get up on my elbows.

"Why do you always have to do that?" Rivaille asked annoyed, pushing his foot against my stomach, wanting me to get up. I rolled over instead, trying to escape his constant nagging.

"Why do _you_ always have to do that?" I bursted out, finally sitting up. "It's getting really annoying,"

"As if I'm doing it on purpose. You can just stop being so clumsy,"

His eyes met mine for a moment, before I turned my head away.

"Whatever," I mumbled, studying the room instead. It was large to say the least, with a king size bed, a dresser, a desk and a little area where all the instruments were placed. In the middle there was nothing else than the white rug that I was sitting on. It was soft though, making me want to stay where I was. I sat up, in a cross-legged position, and placed my bag in front of me.

"Where are your parents?" I asked bluntly, thinking about the old woman downstairs.

"Dead," He answered with a stoic face, making it hard to know if he was joking or not. Before I could answer, he continued. "I live with my grandparents, Isabelle and Ken,"

I could feel how tense the athmosphere was turning, assuring me not to ask anymore questions.

"She is nice, Isabelle, I mean," I said hesistantly. "She opened the door for me. She's baking lemon cake," I blurted out, just to fill the empty, awkward silence between us.

"She likes baking," He shrugged, closing the conversation. After walking over to grab a guitar, he sat in front of me.

"Do you have your notesbook with you?" He asked, and I nodded in response. I pulled the little, blue book from the bag, before placing it behind me.

"So, wanna write the up beat or the slow song?" I asked him, opening the bag at the middle, where there were an empty page.

"Up beat," He answered, not even considering it for a second.

"Hmm, okay …" I mumbled, pulling out a pencil from the pencilcase that I had brought as well.

"We can use a melody I made a little while ago," Rivaille said calmly, while tuning his guitar. When it was prepared, he started playing tabs on his guitar, a relaxing melody. He had put a black plectrum between his small lips, and he quickly grabbed it after playing the intro, so he could start playing chords.

His long, slender fingers glided perfectly over the strings, playing the complicated chords. I started tapping my fingers against my knee, following the rhythm.

My eyes, that had been focusing on his fingers moving around on the guitar's neck, lifted up to study the guy's face instead.

His face was rather small, and his features as well. Both of his eyebrows were furrowed, showing how intense his focus was, only looking at his movements, just as I was a moment ago.

Feeling inspired, I raised the notebook, and started writing. Sometimes I wrote whole sentences, and other times I just wrote a few words that sound good in my head.

Listening how the chords suddenly changed to what I was guessing was the chorus, I stopped to feel the exact athmosphere that Rivaille wanted to convey with the song.

I then started writing again, until I had no ideas left. I stopped only a moment before Rivaille stopped playing as well.

"That was great!" I exclaimed, sending him a smile that he didn't return.

"Let me see,"

He reached out his hand to grab the notebook, but I pulled away in the last minute, pressing it up against my chest.

"Hey, not yet! I'm not finished," I said, looking at him with a stubborn look. "I need you to play it again for me,"

Clearly annoyed by my request, he pulled his arm back, and put the plectrum in his mouth again.

"Fine," He grunted, and started playing once again.

After I had checked the lyrics again, I started rewriting them. When I felt that I couldn't do it better, I passed both the notebook and pencil to him. He gave the guitar to me instead, so he would have space to write in.

I played some tabs while waiting for him to finish.

"Sing this for me," He suddenly said, waking my up from my little musical trance.

"What?"

"This part," He said, pointing at the bridge from the verse to the chorus. "I don't understand how you want me to sing it,"

I quickly looked at the notebook to remember the words, before I started playing the verse before the bridge, humming the melody. Of course I only played the chords in a simplified manner, not having enough skill to play the ones that Rivaille had been playing.

Then I opened my mouth, and started singing.

_"There's been something on my mind,_

_it's been on it for quite some time,_

_how am I supposed to know,_

_which side of me to show,_ "

I played the first chord in the chorus, but stopped at that, letting the sound die out slowly.

Rivaille was looking at me with a look that I couldn't quite figure out.

"Is that okay?" I said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with his odd staring.

He nodded slowly, but didn't look away. I felt like I couldn't either, so we just stayed like that.

"You have a nice voice, you know that?"

He was complimenting me, but I was sure that he was a person who never complimented people, so it confused me a lot when he said it. I ended up taking it the wrong way, believing that he was mocking me.

"Well, we can't all have an amazing voice like you, can we now?" I mumbled irritated under my breath, trying to hand the guitar back to him. He grabbed it by its neck, so that his hand was touching mine. We both froze in place, not moving.

It felt like electricity had appeared between us, but it hadn't caused me to pull away like most electric shocks did.

Tension rose in the silence, but before any of us could do anything else, there was a knock on the door.

" _Riva_ , chéri? The lemon cake is ready. Are you two coming down to eat?"

Rivaille stood up, letting go of the guitar in the process, and opened the door.

" _Isabelle_ , we're not done yet. We'll come down in 15 minutes, _est-il acceptable_?"

" _Oui_ ," Isabelle answered, and he closed the door. We could hear how she slowly walked away, and it felt like forever until we couldn't hear her footsteps anymore.

He sat down in front of me, and quickly grabbed the guitar from my grasp to avoid anymore of the awkward incidents.

"You're french?" I asked, still surprised.

"No, we just talk like that for fun," Rivaille hissed, rolling his eyes. I bit my lip, not knowing how to answer him when he was being sarcastic.

"You didn't get that from my name?" He sighed, as if I was lost hope. "There's really no end to a brat's stupidity, is there?"

I opened my mouth to send back a sarcastic comment or a witty remark, yet nothing came out. He had literally made me speachless. His english accent was flawless, yet when he speaked french or pronounced his grandmothers name, his french accent was so clear, and sounded so beautiful.

"Okay, I'll try singing it. Tell me if you had imagined something different,"

He started playing and singing at the same time, now looking at the notebook he had placed on the floor to keep the lyrics visual.

I focused on his voice, listening to how it moved with the words, creating the melody. It was almost what I had invisaged, and even the places where he had changed it, it clearly sounded better his way.

When he stopped, I immidiately pointed at the third line in the first verse.

"It sounds really good, but maybe you should try to let your voice go up in a more intense tone instead of pressing your voice too much. You know, like this" I cleared my throat singing the last word. " _Caaaalling_ ,"

"I can't do that," He just said, dismissing me entirely.

"Why not?"

"My voice is naturally deep, while yours is more light. You can hit those notes better than I can," He stated, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "Almost like a girl, you could say," He added quitly, sending my a teasing smile. I pursed my lips, when I realised that he was talking about me.

"Are you saying that I sing like a girl?!"

He rolled his eyes, but I could see how he had hidden a smile.

"Calm down brat, I was just saying that you should sing with me instead. We could share the verse, so you had the second voice,"

I bit my bottom lip, not really loving the idea.

"No thanks, I think I'll just play the guitar,"

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't push me further. We went through the song twice again before going down in the kitchen.

Isabelle was sitting at the kitchen counter with a coffee mug, wearing small red glasses to read some kind of book. She noticed immediately when we arrived, smiling excited as if we were bringing gifts for her.

" _Chéri_! I hope you're hungry, because there is more than enough – " She was already preparing her old body to get down from the chair, when Rivaille went over and lay a hand on her shoulder.

" _Isabelle_ , I'll get the cake for us,"

He thereafter went over to the refrigerator and grabbed to big plate in the middle. On top of it was a large, yellow cake with beautiful, white frosting on it.

"It looks amazing," I shyly commented, sending the woman a short smile. She returned it, overly and genuinely happy for my appreciation.

Rivaille went around the kitchen to find all the things needed to eat the cake. He found plates, forks, a waterbottle and glasses.

"I'm so happy that you are here, Eren," Isabelle smiled, reaching over the counter to grab my hand. I let her, fearing that I would break her fragile, small hand if I moved my own.

"Why?" I asked, intrigued. How could it be, that Isabelle already knew my name, and why was so glad that I was here? Rivaille and I had only known eachother for roughly 3-4 days, so he couldn't have had very much time to tell her about me. And did he even have to tell? The guy didn't even know me! I glowered at Rivaille, who didn't seem to participate in the conversation what so ever.

"Because this is the first time that he has had someone over. I'm very pleased to see my little _chéri_ making friends, and – "

"Here, eat some cake," Rivaille interrupted, placing a plate of cake in front of both of us. I noticed him sending his grandmother a look, though I couldn't figure out what it meant. She must have been used to it though, because she proceeded to eat the cake instead of saying anything further.

"So, Rivaille said that you were french. Have you lived here all your life, or did you move here from France?" I asked politely, trying to keep some kind of conversation going. If it wasn't for me, there would only be awkward silence.

"We moved here from a small town east for Bordeaux 10 years ago," She answered, with that sweet smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile either – it was so contagious.

"Oh cool, I think I've been there on vacation once!" I exclaimed excited, as if it was something to be excited about.

"Oh, really? Did you like it?" Isabelle asked, looking very much interested in what I had to say.

"Yeah, it was so beautiful there. I really liked it, but we could only stay there for 2 days, before moving on,"

It was weird to think that I could have been walking the same places that Rivaille had walked, in the same country, city and even street. It felt like another connection we had.

I wasn't sure if I should feel annoyed about it or not.

"Oh, that's a shame. Maybe when we go back in the winter, you can come with us," Isabelle said, clapping her hands together, like a small child who believed she just had gotten the best idea ever.

I didn't want to be rude, so I just nodded and smiled just as excited as her. Afterwards I tried to look at Rivaille for a reaction, but his eyes were staring out of the window, causing me to only see his face from the side. Feeling my eyes on him, his head tilted a bit to the side, so he was able to return my gaze. His stare seemed indolent, like he didn't care – like he wasn't really here with us.

At that moment, it seemed like he belonged elsewhere, and that was when I realised that he had probably been thinking about his home town.

"Do you miss it?" I asked, addressing Rivaille directly, my eyes still fixated on his. It seemed like he woke up, because his eyes started to flicker.

"Sometimes," He answered shortly with a shrug, seemingly not wanting to go deeper into the conversation.

I ate the last of my cake, and then licked my lips slowly for the last taste. Both Isabelle and Rivaille had been looking at me, waiting for me to finish.

"That was absolutely amazing," I stated happily, rubbing my hands together.

"That's nice to hear, dear. I'll be sure to make it when you come again,"

I frowned, but only for a second, before nodding.

"That sounds like a plan," I mumbled, but not as excited as before. I was very much hoping for this to be both the first and the last day to spend together with Rivaille, alone in his house. There had been to many weird incidents, and I kept having an odd, uncomfortable knot in my stomach that didn't want go away.

" _Merci pour le repas, Isabelle_ ," Rivaille said, before walking over to her and kissing her forehead. Her cheeks blushed, making her very pale face look younger.

" _De rien, Riva_ ," She answered with a joyish tone in her voice.

"Let's go upstairs again," Rivaille said to me, after putting all the dirty dishes in the dishwater.

I nodded, still standing at the door to the hallway where I had waited for him to finish.  
"Sure, but keep in mind that I have to be home before dinner," I said, before following him upstairs and into his room. It wasn't really true, no one had ordered me home at a certain time, but it was better this way. I had a feeling that Rivaille could keep on going for a long time, and I wouldn't be able to defy him just by saying that I didn't want to work anymore.

For some reason, I knew that he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"So I was thinking of teaching you the chords. It seems as if they're a little difficult for you, but if you practice, then it won't be too hard," He said, sitting on the chair at his desk. I sat down in his bed, and then proceeding to lie down on my back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Ugh, I'm still full of cake. Can we just wait 10 minutes, please?" I asked with a pleading voice.

"No,"

"Nghh,"

I stayed on his bed, placing my arms over my eyes and face. The theory was, that if I couldn't see him, then he would disappear.

"Brat," I heard Rivaille mumble, but I closed off his voice after that. I was suddenly becoming very sleepy and this comfortable, soft bed, my stomach filled with delicious homemade cake. I felt something weigh down the bed at my right hip, and then at the left. Before being able to see what was causing it by myself, my arms were torn away from my face and pressed against the sheets. His hands had grabbed me by my wrist, and his hold of them tightened.

"What the … "

"Stop being a pain in my ass, and do what I say," He said, his face expression looking dangerously serious.  
"Get off me, you weirdo!" I said, panicking. It felt like I couldn't breathe, his body so close to mine was too intoxicating.

"Are you going to do what I say? I won't let you go until you answer,"

I groaned, trying to use all my strength to push him off me, but his hands just tightened even more around my wrist, causing several moans of pain from me.

"Fine, fine!"

"Fine _what_?"

"Jesus Christ, you are such a control freak … " I mumbled under my breath, avoiding looking into his eyes again. "Fine! I'll do as you say,"

Finally satisfied with my response, he removed himself from me, and I took a few breaths to prepare myself before sitting up as well. He had already grabbed the guitar again, handing it to me. I took it in one quick motion, preparing the first chord with my hand. The chord that Rivaille had played, his little finger had joined the others, but it seemed as if my little finger couldn't quite reach the string that it had to be at.

"You have to move the back of your hand more down, like this,"

He sat down beside me, and leaned in to grab my hand. His long, thin fingers glided over mine and started moving it, guiding it the right way.

My heart starting beating faster, though I had no idea why. His touch had frozen me, not being able to move at all. Why did he have that effect on me? I had no idea, but the thought still scared the crap out of me. I didn't want to think about it at all, so I just shut down.

Safe to say, I was more than relieved when something started buzzing in my pants.

"Excuse me!" I bursted out and quickly removed my hand from his. I reached down to grab the phone, and press the green button.

"Hello?"

" _Eren, where are you_?"

"At Rivaille's house. We're writing the up beat song for the competition," I answered, while chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel Rivaille's gaze on me, but I tried not to focus on it.

This could be my escape, if I played my cards right.

" _What? Are you sure you should be alone with that assbutt_?"

I almost choked on the laughter bottling up in my throat.

"Sure, I can be home in 20 minutes. I'm looking forward to it!"

" _What are you talking abou_ –" Before Mikasa could answer any further, I closed my phone, and put it in my pocket again.

"Sorry, that was my dad. He said that he had something waiting for me back home,"

I quickly removed myself from the bed, trying to put as much distance between me and him as possible.

"I'll see you at practice, okay?"

"Hey, wait a second, – "

Before he could say anything else, I was already out the door. I hurried down the stairs, and fumbled with getting my shoes on. Why had I bought converse with laces again?

I heard the steps on the stairs, and in panic, I just let the laces be as they were, to throw my jacket on instead.

"Oi, Eren! Wait, we need to discuss – "

"I'm sorry Rivaille, but I really need to get home. But thank you for having me over,"

Rivaille had stopped midway on the stairs to stare at me, and I bowed in front of him out of courtesy. I then proceeded to open the door, stumbling several times on the way to the bike.

"Bye!" I yelled over the shoulder, before driving away from the house as quickly as possible.

I had no idea why, but I just had to get out of there as quickly as possible. I could still feel my heart pounding like crazy in my chest.

Why was I feeling this way?


	4. Bad Mouthing

Monday, 17.11.14

"I'm not so sure that it's a good idea anymore," I said casually, trying to sound calm about it.

We were all standing in the music room after school, waiting for Rivaille's last class to end, so he could join us in practice.

"What are you talking about, Eren? We are more than just lucky to have Rivaille. And now you want somebody else?"

"I-It's just that … I don't think he's a good fit with us," I mumbled, getting a little nervous. They didn't seem to like my idea.

On sunday, I had dismissed all of my thoughts about Rivaille, and instead focused on finding another singer. I had been sitting at a café yesterday, and ended up talking to several girls who were more than willing to sing for our band. Now I just needed the other band members to agree.

"Rivaille is talented. He's also a douchebag, yeah, but we don't have to like him," Mikasa said, her arms crossed over her chest. "We just need him to win,"

"But, Mikasa! Is winning really so important, that we'll let that guy bully us to get the prize? And what about afterwards? Are we just going to throw him out of the band then? Now's our only chance to get rid of him, before it becomes more permanent!" My voice had slowly risen through my little speech, in my desperate attempt on convincing them.

My thoughts suddenly went back to the words that his grandmother had said. That she was glad to see Rivaille making friends … Problem was, I didn't _want_ to be his friend. I wasn't even sure I could be in the same room as him.

The others fell silent, and instead of answering me they just stared. At first I thought that they looked at me, but then I noticed that their eyes were on something behind me.

Someone.

I turned around slowly, and met Rivailles gaze. He didn't look angry as I thought he would, instead his expression was blank.

"Hi," He greeted before proceeding to walk further into the room. His guitar was hanging from his left shoulder, and he was wearing a light green t-shirt as a good contrast to all the black that he was wearing as well.  
"H-Hello Rivaille," I muttered, my cheeks blushing in embarassment. Had he heard what I had said? I had been rather loud.

"Are you guys ready? Eren, did you show them the song we made?" He seemed rather ignorant and unaware, making me feel a little better.

"Yeah, we practiced it while waiting for you. We only got the basics down, but I thought that people could practice on their own at home, then – "

"That's good," He interrupted, while putting the plug into the amplifier, and turned it on.

"Then let's play,"

Ironically, it took another hour just to get the basics right again. Rivaille kept stopping the song to criticise the way we played it, and then changing it. He went around to teach every single one of us how to do it correctly, with the exception of me.

"No, no, no Armin. Like this, okay?"

He had stood behind Armin, his head over his shoulder and his arms surrounding him so he was able to reach the keyboard. It almost looked like he was hugging him from behind, and then he started playing the part that Armin had played before.

"Ahh, I see! Thank you! " Armin said excited, not even noticing how close Rivaille was to him.

I felt the anger and annoyance within me, forcing me to look away. I ended up biting my lip so badly, a metallic taste appeared on my tongue.

This went on with everybody else as well, and everyone seemed more than happy to let him help them get better.

I was relieved at first, glad not to have him criticise me, but after a while I started to get annoyed. It started to feel like he only wanted to help the others, and I felt like I was getting worse, while they got better.

When Rivaille felt like we had no way of improving anymore, we finally stopped for the day. This time Rivaille made no attempt to make me stay behind to talk to him, as he did before. I actually noticed, that he didn't even say a word to me. He hadn't the whole time we were practicing either.

Irritated and a little bit confused as well, I felt like I needed to confront him about it. Yet it seemed like he had already packed everything, before I'd even got my jacket on. The others were slow, still turning everything off, and putting everything in its places.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" I loudly said, waving to my friends before heading out the door. Rivaille had already left a moment before I had, but I was certain that he couldn't have gotten far.

I ran down the hallway, and out of the entrance door to get outside. All the bikes were placed in a shed not long from here, and I was pretty sure that he rode his bike to school, since I also did. After all, we didn't live far from eachother.

"Rivaille!" I bursted out when I saw a figure coming out from the shed on a bike, and I started running towards him.

Not showing any emotions at all, he climbed off his bike, and just stood there, waiting for me to arrive.

I stopped right in front of him, resting my hands on my knees while I tried to make my breathing regular again.

"Ri – va – ille," I tried saying, finally standing up straight. He looked annoyed, with a raised eyebrow, clearly irritated that I made him wait.

"What is it, brat? Make it fast, I'm in a hurry,"

"Why are you ignoring me?"

He stayed silent, yet his face said it all. He looked like he wanted to facepalm himself.

"That's what made you chase me? You really are a brat," He sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Well, it's your fault! You helped everybody else, but you didn't even talk to me,"

"Why should I?"

My mouth opened, but I was too surprised to say another word. I hadn't expected that answer.

"Why _shouldn't_ you?" I finally answered, crossing my arms.

"Well, in my defense, you were the one who wanted to get rid of me," He said, crossing his arms as well.

"I … I …" I bit my bottom lip, ashamed by the realisation that he had indeed heard me. "I'm sorry,"

"Are you sorry that you said it, or that you got caught saying it?"

I scratched my shoulder, looking down on my shoes. I didn't want to answer it, but it wasn't because I didn't know the answer.

"Oi, brat," He sighed, and I looked up at him again. His eyes looked more gently at me now, but I still felt a lump in my throat.

"It's fine. Come over tomorrow after school, and we'll start on the other song, okay?"

I looked at him, baffled.

"What?"

"The slow song that we're supposed to make for the competition?" He said, furrowing his brows. He literally looked like he was worried that I was stupid.

"Oh, well, shouldn't we practice the other song a bit more?" I mumbled, not knowing what to do with myself. He had so quickly changed the subject, that I wasn't ready to reject his request.

I didn't want to go home with him again, but I couldn't say no either, right after being accused of not wanting him in the band.

"It's better to get the songwriting over with as quickly as possible, so we can practice both songs more. Remember, that we only have 13 days until the competition,"

I chewed my bottom lip that was still healing from my bloody bite from the practice.

"Okay then, you're right,"

"Of course I am,"

Then came the silence. The conversation was over, so I took a step back.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow," I said, trying to send him a little smile that he did not return.

"Yeah,"

I turned around to get my bike as well. I placed my bag in the basket, before climbing up and driving outside the shed.

To my surprise, he was still waiting for me outside, though he had climbed up on his bike again.

"Why are you still here?" I asked, amazed.

"We have the same way home," He said with a shrug, before starting to drive out on the empty road.

"Oh … " Was the only thing I could say, and then I just followed him.

On the entire ride home, none of us said anything. I felt rather awkward, so I was more than relieved when the road came to a crossing, and where he had to go left I had to go right.

"See you!" I waved at him, before driving home.

At some point on the way home with him silently at my side, the knot in my stomach had disappeared, but it had returned the second that our ways had parted.

How odd.


	5. Invading My Privacy

Tuesday, 18.11.14.

I was standing outside the school, leaning against my bicycle, waiting. My class had been cut short 5 minutes earlier than expected, so I was the one who ended up waiting for Rivaille.

Only a few minutes after the school bell had rung, people started walking out of the entrance door, and I stepped up on my toes to be able to spot the smaller male. Surprisingly, I saw him walking out of the school with two other people at each of his sides, deep into conversation. They were laughing, and one of them even had their hand on Rivaille's shoulder.

I bit hard down on my bottom lip, when I remembered his grandmothers words for the second time. She had made it sound like Rivaille didn't have any friends, yet it seemed that he was rather close with these people.

"Rivaille," I shouted, waving shakily at him to let my presence be known. He noticed instantly, walking over to me with the other two following after.

"Hey," He said casually, before reaching out to grab my chin. His thumb touched the bottom of my lip, and in utter astonishment, I slapped his hand away and took a step back.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, my hand reaching up to cover my mouth.  
"You're bleeding," He stated, showing me his thumb that was slighty red.

"Oh … " I realised, removing my hand slowly. "Sorry,"

The two behind him chuckled, making Rivaille step to the side.

"Eren, this is Hanji and Erwin. They're some idiots from my class,"

To my surprise, they didn't even react to the insult, as I would have. They just laughed it off, giving Rivaille a little nudge.

"I think you're qualified as an idiot as well, then," The tall, blond guy stated calmly, putting an arm around Rivaille and pulled him towards him so he could mess up his hair.

Rivaille groaned, pushing him away, and his hands were immidiately fixing his hair.

"Don't tease me, you beast," He said irritated, but I noticed how the corner of his mouth turned upside for a moment. Then it was gone again.

"Come on Eren, let's escape from these two crazies," He said, grabbing my arm, and it was only luck that I was already holding my bicycle when we started to walk.

"Bye Riri!" The girl Hanji yelled out, waving like a crazy person.

"I hate when she calls me that," I heard him mutter under his breath, and I felt how he started to walk faster.

"Where's your bicycle?" I asked him, when we had turned the corner, not being able to see the school or the other students anymore. It was more quiet now, so that only the sounds of our breathing could be heard.

"Sometimes I walk," He just answered, not explaining further. I nodded slowly, not sure what else to say.

"Is your grandmother home again today?"

I saw in the corner of my eye how he shook his head.

"No, she had some errands to run, so we have the whole house to ourselves today,"

I raised an eyebrow, remembering how the old woman had a hard time walking. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I could feel how he didn't want to talk about it. So I now had to find a third conversation starter.

I thought long and hard, but it didn't seem like there was anything else to talk about, so we just walked the rest of the way in silence. We arrived at his house a few minutes later, and I placed my bicycle close to the hedge in their driveway. I wasn't sure if they even had a car, but I didn't want my bicycle to be in the way, if they did.

I certainly couldn't imagine Isabelle driving, when she could only barely walk.

He used a key to get into the house, and I placed my shoes and jacket at the same places as last time. We walked up the stairs, and into the bedroom, and it was first when I sat down on the soft, white rug, that I felt like I could breathe properly.

He sat down in front of me, waiting. I had no idea for what, though.

"I … Um, brought my notebook again," I pointed to my shoulder bag, when I felt the awkward tension rise between us.

Okay, that was pretty weak. Yet, he looked at me, with an interested expression on his face.

 _Finally_ , I thought, glad that something I said had peaked his interest.

"That's great! Can I have it for a second?" He reached out his hand, waiting for me to give it to him.

"What? Why?"

"I wanna see what else you have written in it,"

I clutched the bag tight against my chest with both my arms.

"Um, I don't think that would be a good idea … " I said, my cheeks blushing.

"Why not?" He noticed, raising an eyebrow when he noticed my flustered face. "Is there something embarassing in there? Did you write your name and another name in a heart or something like that?"

He was teasing me, and I noticed the smirk on his face.

"N-No, it's just … It's p-private," I stammered, watching him as he got on all four and crawled towards me.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, we might need some of what you've written for the song," He said, with a mischievous look in his eye.I tried moving backwards, but he was quicker than me. He threw himself at me, resulting in me falling onto my back.

"No!" I yelled out, quickly turning around so that I was now lying on my stomach, the bag between my chest and the floor.

"Are you really going to be this difficult?" He said, sitting on my lower back. I gasped for air, clearly not prepared for being pressed further against the floor.

"Don't you have any respect for other people's things?" I said, trying to wiggle my hips to get him off me. He laughed by my weak attempt, before leaning over so that his hands were against the floor besides my shoulders. I could feel his warm breath against the back of my neck, making me shiver.

"Did you write something about me, maybe?" He whispered into my ear. "About how much you hate me?"

I bit my bottom lip, stopping myself from screaming. It was all too much for me to handle – I hated him being so close to me, it made my thoughts all blurry, giving me a headache.

I wasn't able to think about anything, when he was so near.

"I already said I was sorry, stop lingering on it!" I exclaimed, pressing my forehead against the floor to avoid him.

"Whatever," he answered, and after a moment I felt the weight being lifted from my body. I slowly sat up, still a little paranoid, but he was all the way over at the area with the instruments.

"Let's just get started," He said, sitting down once again with a guitar in his hands.

"Is there any … Restrictions?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, is it important that it is about love, or something about that? Or should it be a sad song? Are there any rules, other than that it has to be a slow song?" He asked, a little irritated that he had to explain himself.

"Well, um … No, there aren't any restrictions," I shook my head. "We can do whatever we want,"

"Alright, so what theme to you want us to focus on?"

"Theme?"

He facepalmed himself, and grunted something under his breath. I wasn't able to hear what he said, but I was guessing that it probably wasn't nice things about me.

"Oh, themes, okay," I quickly said. "I don't think we should do a love song," I mumbled, fiddling with the end of my t-shirt.

"Why not?"

I didn't want to tell him that it was because I had no experience with love what so ever. I had never had a girlfriend before, and I definitely hadn't been in love before. The territory was completely new to me, so I wouldn't be able to write something when I had no experience at all.

I looked at Rivaille. Even though he was short, he was still really handsome, and older than me, so there was no doubt that he had been in relationships before. Maybe even loved someone? The thought made the knot in my stomach return, though I had no idea why, so I quickly cleared my throat.

"Well, wouldn't it be too obvious? Everybody else is probably doing one, so it would be cool to think out of the box," I sent him a nervous smile, not sure what he thought about the idea. "I mean, it would be pretty heavy to do one about death as well, or religion, but maybe we could just … Write about something a little more … Edgy?"

Rivaille didn't answer at first, clearly thinking deeply about what I had said. In the end, he nodded slowly.

"Great idea. Do you want to write something and then find a melody for it, or the opposite way around?"

"The other way around," I nodded. I felt like I needed to be inspired, before being able to write anything down.

"Alright.. I don't have any melodies though, so we'll need some inspiration first," He said, putting the guitar aside to stand up. He went over to the little stereo on the shelf, and turned it on. He chose what seemed to just be a random CD from the other shelf over the stereo, and put it in. He turned the volume up, and when he was sure that it worked properly, he sat down on the rug again.

The music started to play, making me instantly feeling relaxing. So did he apparently, because he suddenly lay down on the rug, folding his hands on his stomach and closing his eyes. I watched him for a moment, trying to study his face. There was no doubt about it: He looked much nicer, when his face was relaxed.

"Stop looking at me, you brat," He grunted annoyed, though his eyes was still closed. "It's making me uncomfortable. Come down beside me,"

"Sorry," I mumbled, before lying down beside him. I closed my eyes as well, falling into a dream-like state, where I only focused on the music.

He had a good music taste, that I'd give him. I had never heard the band before, but the songs were absolutely amazing. I chewed lightly on my bottom lip, trying to get inspired, but it was hard to focus when he was right beside me. If I just reached out my hand a little, then …

 _Stop it!_ I thought to myself, biting hard down on my lip. I shouldn't even be thinking about that sort of thing. Why was I even? It was stupid. And annoying. No, _he_ was annoying. That was it, right?

Yeah. It was all his fault anyway.

\- - - - -

"Oi, Eren. Wake up," I heard a voice say, but it sounded so far away.

A slap to my head quickly woke me up though, and my eyes flew open by the pain.  
"Ow! What was that for?" I said, scratching my head as I sat up. Rivaille was sitting with the guitar again, and the music had stopped.

"You have been sleeping for too long. I'm ready with the song,"

I looked at him in amazement.

"What, already? That was quick!"

"It's been 2 hours, idiot. You slept the whole way through," He smirked at me, but I was too confused to react properly.

"Shit. I should probably get going then … "

I looked out the window, to see that it was already getting darker outside. Well, not really that dark, but dark enough that Rivaille had turned the light on in his room. It was a red lamp, creating a cozy atmosphere.

"No worries. Your dad called when you were asleep, so I told him that you would be home late. He asked if you were going to eat dinner here, so I just said yes,"

" _You did what now_?!" I exclaimed in shock. I was now stuck here for at least 2 more hours? He had spoken with my father? He had answered my cellphone instead of waking me up?

I looked around after my phone, resulting in noticing that my bag had been opened.

"Wha – "

"Yeah, it was in your bag, so I had to open it," He said with a shrug, like it didn't matter. I grabbed it anyway, and looked through it in panic.

"Where's my notebook?!" I said, looking at him in horror when he slowly reached for something behind him.

He was holding my notebook in his hands.

I gulped.

"Y-you read it … " I whispered, and I felt like I wasn't able to move.

"Yeah. Sorry about that, by the way," He opened it casually. "But, Eren, this shit is insanely good. Do you have any idea how talented you are?"

My hands turned into fists, and before I knew it, I had hit him. I didn't even have time to comprehend what he had said.

"Jerk!" I yelled, grabbing my notebook. My other hand found the bag, and then I was on my feet and out of the door. Rivaille had reacted faster than I thought though, and he was right behind me before I could even make it to the staircase.

"Oi, Eren!" He yelled, his hand grasping after my shoulder. He finally reached it, stopping me. He yanked me to the side, pushing me into the nearest wall.

"Will you calm down for a second?" He said, his breath a bit irregular. "Relax,"

I didn't want to relax. I clenched my jaw, and looked angrily at him.

"Fuck you," I bursted out, trying to push him away, but he was clearly much stronger than I was. "Let me go!"

He made a sudden move, and at first I prepared myself for a hit to the face, closing my eyes. When the hit never came, I opened them again, only not the see Rivailles face no more. His arms were tightly around me, and his forehead was against my collarbone.

He was hugging me.

"R-Rivaille?" I said, to shocked to move. He quickly let go of me, taking a step back.

"Are you calm now?" He said in a stern voice, pulling up his sleeves. I was surprised by the tone in his voice, expecting it to somehow be nicer or gentler after the hug.

"Y-yeah," I said, still in amazement.

"Good. I'm sorry I read it without you're permission, but the shit you wrote is just to good not to be read," He crossing his arms over his chest, and shifted his weight to the other foot.

"We could seriously use the material in that notebook for the song. That stuff is really deep,"

I finally found my voice again.

"Of course it's deep! It is my own, private thoughts I've written down. They're supposed to be only for me, Rivaille. Not for the whole world to hear about,"

He sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Eren, sometimes you have to push yourself to get the best results. How are you supposed to improve, if you don't cross your own boundaries once in a while?"

I didn't know how to answer that, so I just looked down. Rivaille proceede to place his other hand on my other shoulder, taking a step closer towards me.

"Hey," He said, trying to make me listen. "You're talented, Eren. You just don't let people see that side of you, but sometimes … Sometimes it's important to let loose and trust other people's intentions. I didn't read it to hurt you, Eren, you can't believe that,"

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, still looking down. I felt how his hands removed themselves from me, and I leaned against the wall.

His fingers suddenly wrapped around my chin, forcefully lifting my head up to look him in the eyes.

"Do you understand me?" He said with a clear voice. I heard it yes, but my thoughts were getting blurry again. The way he looked at me … I almost forgot how to breathe – he was too mesmerizing. And his face was so close to mine.

"R-Rivaille … " I stammered, feeling dizzy and giddy.

"Do you?"

I swallowed again.

"Yes,"

He let go of me instantly afterwards, and started walking back towards his room as if nothing had happened.

"Then come on. Let's make a song,"


	6. I Trust You

Wednesday, 19.11.14

The day after, we had all met after school to practice the new song. Rivaille and I had finished the song the day before, using a poem that I had written down in my notebook, and had then played it for the other band members.

"Shit, you guys, that's brilliant!" Connie bursted out exactly one second after we had finished playing the song.

"Yeah, it was r-really touching," Armin mumbled, looking down on his shoes. I could see how his cheeks were red, making it more than easy to believe that what he had said was true.

"Eren, it was beautiful," Mikasa joined in, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so glad you all like it!" I said, smiling like crazy. I knew it was good, but I was beyond not being prepared for their sweet words. "Thank you so much guys,"

I stood up, and threw my arms around Armin, who looked like someone who was about to cry.

"I really appreciate it," I mumbled into Armins ear, when he wrapped his arms around me as well.

Armin and I had been friends all my life. We met each other in kindergarten, and had been inseparable ever since. Mikasa as well, making us a little family of our own. So of course we had a strong relationship, where we knew almost everything about eachother. That's why I knew how sensitive he was, and how easily touched he was by beautiful things.

But I didn't want to see him cry, not even if it was tears of joy. So I just hugged him, until he was the one whose grip started to loosen.

I let go when that happened, taking a step back. He looked up so our eyes could meet, and I was glad to see that he hadn't cried. The back of my hand caressed his red cheek for a short moment, so I could feel how warm it was.

Armin sended me a smile, as if to tell me that he was okay.

"Thanks," He said, before breaking our eye contact to look at the others. I turned around to do the same.

The others had been staring at us, even Rivaille, but I just smiled like everything was normal.

"Okay, so me and Rivaille was thinking that it could just be us playing in the beginning. After the bridge, there'll be a pause, and then we thought that you would all join in on the chorus. Really simple stuff, nothing to loud or complicated. We want to really focus on the lyrics and the melody from the guitar, okay?"

They all nodded, so we proceeded to walk to the instruments. Rivaille grabbed my arm though, stopping me from going any further.

"Hey, is everything alright?" He asked in a low voice, almost a whisper. I nodded, trying to wave away his concern.

_Wait, what? He was concerned for me? Or was it just Armin?_

"Yeah, everything's fine," I just nodded, sending him a smile that told him to relax.

He didn't let go though, his eyes just got smaller as he observed my face.

"I … " I paused, looking at him as well. My heart started beating faster again, when our eyes met, locking together automatically. "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer, just keep looking at me with a puzzled look on his face. I didn't understand what it was that he was looking for. I wanted to know what he was thinking though, since I definitely felt more confused than normally.

But then again, it was starting to get rather normal for me to be confused when I was with Rivaille.

"Let's just play the song," Rivaille finally said, finally letting go of my arm.

We walked to the stage together, and I grabbed my guitar. The others were still busy with adjusting their instruments. Armin was trying to find the right sound for his keyboard and checking the volume. Connie was looking for his favourite pair of drumsticks, while Mikasa was tuning her bass.

Rivaille had brought his Gibson Les Paul up on the stage even though he was meant to only sing in this song.

"Hey," Rivaille said, pulling me out of my thoughts. He placed his hand on top of mine that was holding the guitar by its neck, and I froze in my motion.

"What?"  
"Put it down. You can use mine,"

I looked at him with big, eyes. To say the least, I was surprised.

"W-Wha – Seriously? But what if something happens with it … " I mumbled, not knowing how I should feel about this. That guitar was worth probably just as much as my mom's car, making me afraid to even touch it. I nervously put the Fender down to grab the Gibson that he was reaching out to me. I was shaking a bit when I put the cord over my shoulder so I could hold it up. It was heavier than my own guitar, and I bit my bottom lip in horror. What if the cord got loose and I dropped it? What if the strings suddenly broke? What if –

"Don't worry," He took a step closer, sending me a soft smile that relaxed me in an instant.  
 _"I trust you,"_


	7. Becoming Closer

Saturday, 22.11.14

I had eaten dinner an hour before, and now I was just getting out of the shower. I tried to dry my hair with a towel, trying to avoid the cold, wet locks from touching my skin, while walking into my room. It had been a slow day, with nothing interesting to do, so I had just been lying lazily on the couch the whole day, playing video games. I should probably have made homework or practicing guitar, but I hadn't been in that kind of mood. This day was sacred to me, it was meant to just be relaxing.

So of course I had been annoyed, when my phone buzzed for the third time. This time it kept on doing it, which told me that someone was calling instead of just texting. Reluctantly, I grabbed it, and put it up to my ear, making sure that no wet hair was touching it.

"Hello?"

" _Oi, brat. When are you getting here? I'm getting impatient_ ,"

I was confused for more than just a moment, causing him to sigh loudly through the phone.

" _Eren, are you there_?"

I nodded, before realising that he wasn't able to see me.

"Y-Yeah … I don't remember us talking about hanging out today?" I said, confused.

" _Yes we did. Yesterday. You said that you had trouble with the tabs. I said that I would help you. Tonight,"_

"What?! You never specifically said any time or place to do it!"

" _Well, I do now. So get your lazy butt over here,"_ He said in an irritated tone, making it known to me that I wasn't supposed to defy him right now.

"But – "

" _No buts. Or do you want me to come to your place_?" I heard a door open in the phone, causing me to panic.

"No no! I'll come over, just give me ten minutes, and I'll be there!" I quickly said.

" _Good, hurry up_ ," He just said, and the ended the call.

Now I was suddenly getting stressed.

I found some clean underwear and pants in my dresser, and then found a plain, white t-shirt to throw on. I messily took on my converse, and a scarf around my neck.

And then I was out the door, and on my way.

"Finally," I heard him say as he opened the door. When he saw me though, his annoyed face changed to a worried one.

"Are you insane?" He grabbed my upper arm, and almost tore me inside before closing the door.

"Why the hell aren't you wearing a jacket? If you get sick and can't perform, I'll kill you," He said angrily, and I wasn't doubting for a second that he wouldn't. I nodded slowly, as if it was my own mother scolding me.

"Idiot!"

"I'm sorry, but in my defense you wanted me to hurry!"

"Not hurry so much that you'll get sick of it," He said, rolling his eyes, before removing my scarf from my neck, as if it was something he usually did.

"At least your wearing this. Thank god you're not that stupid,"

I pursed my lips as a child as he hung my scarf up on the knob in the wall, not even wanting to answer his insult.

"Come on,"

As we walked up the stairs, I couldn't help but to look back down.

"Where are your grandmother?"

"On errands,"

That quickly closed off the conversation, even though I started to get more and more curious about these 'errands'. It just seemed weird to me, but I didn't want to push him about it, so I stayed silent.

We reached his bedroom and I immidiately lay down on the bed, tired.

"Ughh," I said. "I was prepared to go to bed when you called me,"

" _That_ early? Seriously?" I felt how the bed moved, when he sat down beside me, making me open my eyes.

"Yeah, I like getting up early on sundays,"

He threw a blanket over my chest, and I sat up to put it around my shoulders instead.

"Thanks,"

"Why the hell do you do that? What, you go to church or something?" He raised an eyebrow, apparently surprised by this new information about me.

"And what if I do?" I snapped back, annoyed. I didn't want him to mock me, especially when he did weird things too.

"Relax, I just didn't see you as the religious type," He shrugged, and moved further onto the bed, crossing one leg on top of the other.

"Well, it's not really like that … " I mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Then what is it like?" Rivaille asked, genuinely curious. I could see how interested he was, but I was still hesistant.

"Um, well … I don't go into the church, _per say_ ," I mumbled, looking down. "I go to visit my mom's grave,"

This silenced him for a long moment, and I tried to look up a bit to see the expression on his face.

It was thoughtful, but there was also sadness.

"I'm sorry for your loss," He said quitly, placing a supporting hand on my knee. I automatically grabbed it without even realising it, raising my head even more.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Then we just sat there for a few minutes.

It was actually quite nice. We were both thinking different thoughts, while some calm music was playing on his stereo in the background. The red lamp was turned on, giving the whole room a warm, beautiful look. I enjoyed the view for a bit, before looking back at Rivaille who was staring at our hands.

"Eren," He suddenly said, and I could hear of much his voice had suddenly changed. It sounded almost broken, resulting in me focusing only on it.

"You're not alone."

"What do you mean?"

"Both my parents are dead as well,"

I nodded. I remembered him telling me that, but he had sounded like he had come to terms with it.

"And now … My grandfather is in the hospital,"

That finally made sense. I had wondered why I hadn't seen him before, because when Rivaille had told me about his grandparents, he had said it like both of them still were alive. And now I also understood what Isabelle was really doing on her so-called errands.

"That's why Isabelle is gone so much of the time … Why don't you go with her?" I asked with a concerned look. His eyes met mine, and he sent me a bitter smile.

"I don't think I can handle anymore death," He finally said after a long moment of silence, his voice finally breaking.

I didn't even hesitate – My hand released his, and instead I reached out to pull him closer. His arms wrapped around my neck in a tight hug, and my arms did the same around and under his shoulders.

None of us said anything, we just sat there, slowly rocking from side to side. My left hand kept making movements up and down his back to make his body relax, and it worked.

I didn't expect him to cry, and he didn't.

The minutes passed, but none of us let go. At some point, we just ended up in lying in his bed over the covers, side by side.

Falling asleep to the relaxing music, our fingers somehow intertwined with eachother through the night.

\- - - - -

Sunday, 23.11.14

When I woke up, it was morning. Thinking I was in my own bedroom, still dreaming, I tried to lay a bit more comfortable. That was when I discovered the arms around my chest, and the warm, naked skin pressing against my back. I couldn't quite move my legs as well, as they were somehow intertwined with another set of legs.

"Mmmh," I mumbled. I should probably be worried of confused, but in that moment I couldn't do anything else than just feel safe in the position I was in.

The only problem was the cold. I noticed how a breeze made the hairs on my arms stand up, realising that I wasn't under my duvet. Annoyed by this, I came to the conclusion that I had to find another source of warmth.

And it was right behind me.

I pulled my legs a bit away, so I was able to turn around, My hands lay flat on the person's chest, while I hid my face at the neck. I could feel the cold disappearing, and I smiled, satisfied with the succes.

I stayed there for a while, dozing a bit off again, before the other person started to move a bit.

"Mmmh … Hmm?" I heard a sleepy voice mumble, and I pulled back my head a little to see what made the sounds. I opened my eyes, causing me to stare into those mesmerizing, grey eyes that I knew so well.

"Ehh?!" I whined, and I automatically pushed myself away, resulting in me rolling off the bed and onto the floor.

"Ow!" I groaned, before sitting up. I felt another breeze on me, and I shuddered.

"What the hell, Rivaille?" I asked loudly, sticking my head up over the bed's surface to look at Rivaille.

"Don't look at me, I have no idea how it happened," He said calmly, also sitting up now. I looked around, trying to remember what had happened.

We had been sitting on his bed, talking, and then suddenly hugging, and then … Then everything had become a blur.

"What's the time?"

Rivaille looked at his watch.  
"Seven, twenty," He said, before sighing, clearly annoyed that it was so early in the morning. I sighed as well, but out of relief.

"I can still make it then," I said, taking a deep breath before sitting up on the bed again.

"Damn it, we didn't even get to practice yesterday," Rivaille said, standing up. "When are you supposed to be with your mom?"

"At 9," I said, looking at him baffled. I couldn't help but to feel glad how understanding he was about it – even making it sound so casual, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Even the fact that he hadn't asked when I'd be at her grave, but when I was going to be _with_ her.

"Great, then we get to practice a bit before going!" He said with excitement in his voice.

"Whaaaa – What?" I asked, not sure if I heard him correctly.

"Practice," He said, pointing at the guitar that he had grabbed.

But that wasn't what I had meant.

Before being able to answer, he had placed the guitar in my lap, and then sitting beside me.

"Come on now, don't be shy," He said sarcastically, giving me a small nudge.

I started playing the song with him watching my every move. He stopped me several times to give me small directions, that I then applied. When we came to the chorus though, there was one chord that my hand just couldn't fit with.

"Why does this have to be so fucking hard?" I groaned, looking quite grumpy. Rivaille laughed at my expression – in that moment it was as if our personalities had changed.

"Here, let me show you," He crawled behind me on the bed, and just like he did with Armin that one time, he now did the same with me. He placed his right arm over mine so that his fingers could reach the strumming, while his other hand was already placing itself on the guitar neck to do the chord.

"Okay, listen up now. This is how you do the chord," He played it two times, making sure that I would be able to hear it, before changing to the correct chord. "And this is how it should sound," He played again, two times, and I clearly heard the difference. Of course, my focus was on a completely different matter.

I felt trapped in his embrace, and in an inner conflict on wanting to have him stay like this, and him pulling away as quickly as possible. I turned my head slowly, discovering how close his face really was to mine.

"Oi brat, are you even paying attenti – " His voice died out as he turned his head as well, making it only a few inches from his nose touching mine.

I felt his warm breath on my skin, and it smelled surprisingly good. When had he eaten mint?

In that moment, my stomach started to rumble.

"Shit, I'm hungry," I said loudly, pulling away from him so I could stand up.

"Let's eat something," I said, trying to sound excited. I let the guitar lean against the bedside, and went out the door, Rivaille followed close after me, not saying anything.

We got to the kitchen, where Isabelle sat with her reading glasses on and the newspaper. She looked up when we entered, smiling and not looking surprised at all that I was here.

"Good morning my darlings. Did you sleep well?" She asked sweetly, but Rivaille just grunted in response. I nodded, still not really sure how to react.

"If it's okay with you, we wanted some breakfast," I said, biting my lower lip. "I 'll be on my way right after, so I won't be much trouble,"

"So soon after? You should stay," She said, folding the newspaper together and placing it on the table.

"Oh no, I can't. Sorry," I shook my head. "I have an... Um, appointment? At the .. Uh, the cemetery, so I won't be here for long," I said, with a small smile. I felt a bit more comfortable saying it out loud, when it was to Isabelle. That's because I knew she wouldn't judge me. And it kinda felt nice being able to be so open about it.

"Oh really?" Her eyes flickered from me to Rivaille, to me again. "Which cemetery?"

The closest one, 3 miles from here," I said, and she smiled oddly at my response.

"Rivaille, you should join Eren. It would be good for you as well, to get out a little,"

Rivaille rolled his eyes annoyed. He had found the cereal and some bowls for us, and now he sat down beside me, so Isabelle was sitting in front of both of us.

"I was already planning on doing that," He said, handind me the cereal. I took it, looking at Rivaille in amazement.

"You did?"

"Whatever," He just answered, and started to pour the milk in. He didn't want it to be a big deal, but _it was_. For me, anyway.

I wasn't even sure if I was okay with bringing him. Surely he would respect it, if I told him not to come, but … The thought of him _wanting_ to come … Was it to support me? Be by my side? Meet my mother?

I was all so odd. I watched Rivaille eat his breakfast in the corner of my eye, wondering how this had happened. How had I become so attached to this guy on such a short notice? We hadn't even known eachother for 2 weeks, and it felt like I had already poured my heart and soul to him. Or was it the other way around?

I thought back on the night before, how he had been the one opening up to me, revealing his secrets.

Somehow, I felt privileged and proud that he had chosen me, of all people. He seemed so closed off to other people, yet he had let me into his life.

Even if it wasn't something that I had wanted at first, I now liked having him in my life as well. He could still be a huge pain in the ass, but at least now I knew that there was more to him than just being mean. He had a reason for doing the things he did, just as I had mine.

I finally focused on my own meal, eating it slowly to enjoy it more.

I didn't even notice how Isabelle had been staring at me the whole time, smiling.

\- - - - -

We had left almost right after that, and this time he grabbed his bicycle as well, so it would go faster. We rode our bikes in silence, just looking at our surroundings. I had borrowed a warm jacket from him, thankfully, so I wouldn't get cold, and I was surely appreciating that now. It felt like this cold was worse than any of the other mornings, but that was probably because we were so close to winter now. It was practically winter already, but I had always thought that winter first started in december, and that tradition had I followed up on every year, even though it was silly.

We locked our bikes outside the cemetery, and walked through the opening that looked like a huge iron lattice, and then proceeded down the path. We turned right and left a couple of times, before finally arriving to my mom's grave. It was only a small square on the grass that belonged to her, mostly filled out by her tombstone, but there was also a little area left for flowers. They were still alive, but the ends of their leafs was looking a bit stiff and old, so I went over to get some water. Rivaille stayed there, waiting for me to return.

I quickly came back with a bucket of water, and I held some of it onto the flowers.

"There you go," I mumbled, placing the bucket on the ground, so I could squat down to look at the tombstone better.

"Hi mom," I whispered, letting my fingers glide gently over the part of the stone, where her name was engraved. I felt how Rivaille sat down beside me as well, looking at the tombstone.

"Hello Mrs. Jaeger," He said, surprising me yet again. I turned my head to look at him, but his eyes were still on the tombstone.

Was he mocking me?

No, definitely not. His expression was dead serious.

"You have a really nice son, Mrs. Jaeger. You've raised him well. I've only known him for a short period of time, but I'm glad. He is very talented and a good person," He took a breath, and I bit my lip to stop the tears from appearing in my eyes.

"You can be very proud," He finished, and then just sat there for a moment with a thoughtful look on his face, before standing up again.

"Where are you going?" I asked, still baffled, when he started to walk away. He turned around shortly, to send me a sad, little smile.

"To see my parents,"


	8. Holding Hands

Tuesday, 25.11.14.

"Only a week left!" I exclaimed excitedly, and Connie and I started jumping up and down.

"We're gonna kick some musical butt!" Connie yelled out, making all of us burst out in laughter.

"Well, we're not going to win if we don't practice," Rivaille said, crossing his arms over his chest, but there was still a hint of a smile on his face. It seemed like he finally let himself have some fun with us.

Armin was the one though, who made us calm down again.

"Guys! I have some news," He said, running into the music room with his computer in his hands.

"What is it?" Mikasa asked curiously, walking towards him. We all followed her, wanting to know what was up.

"I just an e-mail from the people throwing the competition. It tells us who we're going to fight against!"

"Let me see," I said, pressing my body behind him so I could rest my chin on his shoulder to see better. "Holy fuck," I mumbled in surprise, when I read through the list of bands. They all contained the names of the band members, and what instrument they played.

"Holy motherfucker," I said again, too shocked.

"What is it?"

It was Connie who had asked the question, but when I had looked up, the first person I locked eyes with was Rivaille, and he looked _pissed off_. I had no idea why though, but before I could open my mouth and ask, Connie had pulled the computer out of Armins hands, and the movement had made me take a step back.

"It's Jean," I answered, my cheeks red with anger. "The bastard joined another band! I thought he was finished with music and that was why he left, but … He just betrayed us for another band!"

"What? That can't be," Armin said, shocked by my words. "He is still our friend after all … "

"He is NOT our friend, Armin!" I said, hammering my foot into the floor, with my fists clenched.

"He doesn't care about us at all. Friends would never just leave other friends behind, _never_ just turning their back to their friends. He _was_ our friend, but he most definitely isn't anymore," I growled, and Mikasa had to put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

"Eren," She said calmly. "We all agree with you. Jean is not our friend. But there's no need to be upset about this. We have Rivaille now after all, so it doesn't even matter,"

I took a deep breath, and unclenched my hands.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry Armin,"

Armin nodded, sending me a little smile.

"It's fine Eren," He grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze that I quickly returned.

Rivaille cleared his throat loudly, standing up from the couch.

"Can we please just start practicing, instead of wasting time?" He said annoyed, making hand gestures. He looked even more pissed off than before, with a dangerous look in his eyes telling us just to do what he said and not asking questions.

We practiced for an hour, making sure that the improvements we had made, was to utter perfection. When we were finished, Rivaille was the first one to leave the room.

That was odd.

I felt bad for leaving the others to tidy up again, but I felt like I had to talk to Rivaille. There was clearly something wrong. And even if there wasn't, I had already prepared to ask him if he wanted to walk home together.

"Rivaille!" I yelled, and started to run after him to catch up. It was rather impressive that he had made it this far by just walking fast, when his legs were shorter than mine.

"Wait up!" I yelled again, as it seemed like he didn't hear me the first time. It was first now that I realised, he had been ignoring me, because he would definitely be able to hear me now, yet he didn't turn around.

"Rivaille," I had finally reached his side. "I was thinking ... " What was I supposed to say? "... That maybe you wanted to walk home together?"

I was clearly out of breath, but if I stopped now he would probably not wait for me.

"No thank you," He hissed, speeding up his tempo even more.

 _How was he even able to do that?_ I thought, too baffled to do anything else than just follow behind him.

"Well, maybe you want to hang out then? We could – "

"No thank you," He interrupted, still sounding angry. I tried breathing regularly, while just looking at his bare neck. He wasn't even wearing a scarf today.

It had become so cold, that I was able to see my own breath. And hadn't he said himself, that it was stupid to walk without a jacket or a scarf so close to the competition?

"Rivaille," I tried again. "You're missing your scarf! Did you lose it? It's okay if you did, just don't get sick … "

He didn't answer me. I sighed, taking off my own scarf.

"Here, you can have mine – "

As I had reached to drop the scarf over his head, he had turned around to grab me. He yanked me over to to the nearest tree only a meter away, and pressed me up against it. I could feel his grip tighten around my arms, and even though I was wearing a jacket, it still hurt. My hands remained on the scarf though. It was around Rivailles neck, covering his mouth, so I could only focus on his eyes. And they were burning into mine.

"Will you just stop it?!" He bursted out. "Leave me alone, Eren!" He shoved me into the tree one time, before letting go of my arms. I didn't let go of the scarf though, causing him not to pull away from my entirely.

"Not before you tell me what's wrong!" I yelled, looking serious at him.

"Nghhh!" He just growled in annoyance, grabbing my wrists to remove them from him.

" _Tell me!_ " I said again, the tone in my voice intensifying.

"Fine!" He threw his hands up in the air, as if to say that he gave up.

"I don't understand how you can let yourself be so lovey-dovey with Armin, hugging him, and standing so close to him … And holding his hand, when you think it's disgusting to hold mine?"

I looked at him, confused, baffled and shocked at the same time.

"I have never said it was disgusting!"

"It was pretty clear," He said, finally his voice had toned down a little bit. It also gave me the time to remember what had happened the 2 days before.

\- - - - -

_We stood in front of the tombstones, surrounded by silence. This was the place were Rivaille's parents lay, resting in their own peace and quiet. Their tombstones were white, and a little bird sat on top of the left one. It was made by marble of course, forced to stay in the same position forever._

_My fingertips tingled by the cold, and I lowered my head to cover more of my face with my scarf. I shivered, clenching and unclenching my hands to lead the cold away._

_It didn't work._

_I felt how something warm and familiar slowly slip into the palm of my hand. It was Rivailles petite hand that was now holding mine in a gentle grip, giving me an unkown feeling in my stomach. It wasn't an uncomfortable one like the other times, but it still scared me._

_I looked at him from the corner in my eye, but he didn't even notice it. He was still looking at the tombstones, his face deep in thought._

_It was as if it was just natural for him._

_Problem was, it wasn't for me._

_I pulled my hand away slowly, and took a step back. I bit my bottom lip, harder this time, wrapping my arms around myself._

_I like girls._

_This was getting too weird. Too odd. I was a guy, right? I wasn't supposed to hold his hand, not like that. I would be able to support him, without having to hold his hand, without having to be so close._

_I like girls, I told myself._

_"It's getting colder … Let's go back,"_

_I like girls._

_And he had then turned around and giving my that look._

_The look that said it all. It showed all the sadness and the hurt, and it was more than a 1000 words could convey._

_I … like … girls._

\- - - - -

"Rivaille, stop it." I said, trying to push him away. He only got a few centimeters away, before pulling back, pinning me once again to the tree. His eyes shined with something unknown, looking like he wanted to do something.

"Stop it!" I repeated, trying to keep my breathing regular. Trying to keep calm. "Armin and I go way back … I'm comfortable around him. We do everything together,"

Rivaille groaned loudly of annoyance, rolling his eyes.

"That's bullshit!" He yelled. "Then why can't you do that with me?"

"You're not my brother!" I yelled back, trying to shove him away. "It's not like that with you!"

"Why not?!"

"Because … " I looked down, not even knowing the reason myself. What was I supposed to say? I ended up blurting out the first thing in my head. "I like girls!"

His eyes flickered.

"Eren Jaeger, you are so fucking blind,"

He hesistated, only for a second, but it was more than enough for me. I pushed him away, sprinting from the scene and leaving him behind. He was still wearing my scarf, but that was the last thing on my mind.

Truly, the last thing on my mind had been the sight of Rivaille's lips being so close to mine, how they had been lightly parted so that he could breathe through.

When I finally got home, I was still shivering.

But it wasn't because of the cold anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is as clueless as clueless can get.


	9. The Opportunities Of Being Drunk

Thursday, 27.11.14

We had already practiced the songs to perfection, so meeting up after school was only to keep it that way. Therefore, we all met up in the music room, prepared only to stay for no more than 20 minutes.

It ended up taking longer than that though. I kept screwing up the chords, and I refused everytime Rivaille tried to teach me.

"I can do it!" I kept saying, taking a step back, and furiously tried to create the chord again. "I can do it … "

The others looked at me worriedly, but didn't say anything. When I got to the point of being so frustrated that I couldn't even think straight anymore, I went down from the stage and grabbed my jacket.

"I'm sorry guys, I don't know what's going on with me today," I mumbled, embarassed. But of course I knew.

I wasn't able to concentrate with Rivaille so close. I still felt awkward from the other day's incident, especially because we had just pretended that it had never happened, instead of actually talking about it.

"It's okay Eren. You'll get it eventually," Armin said, turning off the keyboard and walking towards me. My eyes flickered from Armin to Rivaille and then again to Armin, suddenly feeling the knot in my stomach once again.

"You need to get yourself together. The competition is on sunday," Mikasa said with a calm look, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know, I know … I won't let you down," I said with a sigh. I felt Rivaille's gaze on me, but I ended up turning around to avoid it. Armin put an arm around my shoulder, looking at me with a worried look.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Armin asked, concerned. I sent him a quick smile, but still pulled away from him. I was suddenly afraid of Rivaille's reaction to Armin being so close to me.

"It's okay,"

I turned around to wave at the others.

"I'll just practice at home, okay guys? We talked to the principal about practice, so he gave us the green light to use the music room on saturday, before the competition. I'll be sure to be better by then!"

They all nodded in agreement, so we ended up shutting everything off, and the proceeded to walk out of the school entrance together, in silence.

Connie had to take the bus to get home, and Mikasa joined him since she had to go to work. Me and Armin was both on bicycles, even though we lived in completely opposite directions.

Rivaille wasn't going towards the shed with us, so I guessed that he was on feet again today. I felt a sudden urge to walk with him, and I had to speed up towards my bicycle to ignore it.

"Hey, Eren," Armin called out, surprised my my sudden speed. "Let's hang out today,"

He said it loudly, and I caught myself looking over at Rivaille to see if he had heard it.

"S-Sure," I mumbled, suddenly nervous.

For fuck's sake. Rivaille's stupid comments had apparently made me uncomfortable around Armin now, something that I had never been before. Armin twined his arm around mine, and the unexpected touch made me jump a little.

"Eren, are you alright? You don't seem to be yourself today," Armin said, looked up at me with big, concerned eyes. I gulped, backing away from him.

"A-Ahh, I'm fine Armin, really! I just … have a lot on my mind lately,"

Armin looked over at Rivaille, who was already close to the corner at the end of the road.

"Does it has something to do with Rivaille?" He suddenly asked, making my jaw drop in surprise.

"W-What?! No, that's absurd!" I put both of my hands up to my face, waving like a maniac.

"I see the way he looks at you," Armin raised an eyebrow, smiling calmly at me. "And the way you look at him,"

What the hell was he referring to? My face started to get flustered.

"I like girls!" I almost screamed, my cheeks burning up. That was certainly a rather popular sentence for me to say these days.

I didn't know why I had had such a strong reaction to it – it just really pissed me off how everyone kept referring to such things, when it wasn't true.

Why was everyone so eager to hint that I had these feelings, that I so _clearly_ didn't have?

"Alright alright, relax Eren," Armin said, grabbing my hands to lower them.

I took a deep breath.

"I like girls, Armin," I repeated, but now as a whisper. I wanted him to believe me, not just say that he did. I wanted to tell it to everyone, just as I had been telling myself.

"Then why is it, that you've never even looked at a girl before?" He asked in a calm manner, holding my gaze with his. He was still holding my hands, though.

"Why is it then, that even though a dozen girls have liked you, you've never even responded to their declarations of love?"

I looked at him in surprise, not able to form words with my mouth. He went on, undaunted.

"And how it's so easy to be around you. You don't even realise the effect you have on people, no matter their gender,"

Armin furrowed his brows, pausing for a moment.

"I'm not stupid, Eren. I know you better than you know yourself. You just can't … No, you _won't_ realise it. You're not ready yet," He realised my hands, and walked over to his bike.

"Just remember Eren," He said, climbing up on it. "It's unhealthy to lie to yourself for a longer period of time,"

And then he drove away, leaving me breathless.

\- - - - - 

Friday, 28.11.14

The conversation with Armin had not helped at all – it had only made me even more confused than before.

Mikasa and I had gone home after school to do homework, but since she was better at math than I was, we made them quickly. After dinner, we just ended up lying in my bed, watching TV.

"Shouldn't you be practicing? I mean, if you haven't got it down yet, then …"

"I got it," I hissed at her, annoyed by her concern. Her eyes looked at me, and I quickly calmed down. "Sorry. I think I just need to not think about it today,"

Mikasa sat up, straightening her back.

"I have an idea!" She said, suddenly excited. Intrigued, I sat up as well, raising an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Let's go out,"

"Where?"

"I heard some girl from senior year is having a party tonight. Apparently everyone can come,"

"That's crazy! How is she able to fit so many people in her house?"

"I heard she has a huge house, because her parents are rich," Mikasa shrugged, standing up.

"Come on, Eren! Get dressed. You need to get out a bit,"

I watched her leave my room, not closing the door after her. Mikasa was a quiet one herself, so she was really going out of her way to cheer me up.

Realising this, I got up as well. I didn't want to disappoint her, even though I wasn't in a very partyish mode.

I ended up wearing black jeans and a tight, beige t-shirt. I let my hair be as it was, since it seemed to be untamable. Sometimes I was even convinced that it had a life of its own.

"Are you ready?" Mikasa yelled, to be sure that she wouldn't walk in on my naked, or something like that.

"Yeah," I said, just in time to put my old leather jacket on.

She walked over to stand in the doorway, so we could both look at eachother from a distance. She was wearing high heels, and a tight, black dress to reveal her curves. It had no straps, but at least it almost went to her knees.

Thinking about what Armin had said, I kept staring at her. But nothing worked.

 _It's just because she's my sister than I can't see her that way,_ I told myself with obduracy. That was it for sure.

"You're beautiful," I said, sending her a big smile. She blushed, smiling as well.

"Thanks. You look nice as well,"

We quickly informed dad that we were going out, not expecting him to be against it. He just yelled from the livingroom that we had to be home by midnight, too busy watching TV to even look at us.

"Connie is coming to pick us up," Mikasa said, fumbling with her cellphone. I just nodded, enjoying the fresh air outside for once.

Not even 2 minutes after had he arrived. He rolled down the window, and stuck out his head to show us his grinning face.

"Yo guys, what's up? Are you ready to pa-ah-tay?!"

Mikasa and I looked at eachother, breaking out in laughter, before getting into the car.

"Looking damn good, Mikasa," Connie said, winking at Mikasa who had gotten the seat behind my. I nudged Connie's shoulder, laughing.

"That's my sister you're talking about!"

"Sister or no sister, she's still looking hot," Connie grinned, before starting to drive. The comment made me think of Armin again, and what he had said.

 _Sister or no sister._ The words ecchoed in my head, giving me chills.

I tried to supress it, looking out the window while we drove.

"We're going to pick up Armin and Sasha also," Connie informed us, as we turned a familiar corner.

To people were standing on the sideroad, waiting for us to stop in front of them. The door opened, and I watched as Armin and Sasha crawled in on the back seats with Mikasa.

"Hey guys!" They shouted in unison, already smelling of alchohol. They had probably started drinking already, which made me turn my head to look at Mikasa.

"You had already planned on going?" I simply asked, raising an eyebrow. She just smirked at me, sending me a little wink before joining in on Armin and Sasha's conversation. I rolled my eyes, but in reality I wasn't even annoyed. I felt comfortable here with my friends, together. My eyes turned to look at Armin and Sasha's clothes. She was wearing a white dress that went in good contrast with her tanned skin and brown hair. She had a lollipop in her mouth, looking rather sexual. Yet, I didn't think of her as sexy at all.

 _But of course_ , my brain said automatically, _She eats food all the time. It makes her skin greasy. She doesn't even pick her teeth when there's food stuck in them. Of course you can't think that someone like her is sexy!_

That made sense. Even though she looked pretty right now, how could I be attracted to her when remembering how carelessly she ate food or fooled around with Connie, as if she was a boy?

Yes, that was probably it.

It took no more than 20 minutes of driving to get there, and by then the party was already going crazy. Seeing it from the outside, there was lights and people and music everywhere.

Connie parked the car, and we ran inside, excited to see how it was. It wasn't often that I was out partying, but I had definitely never tried coming to a party that I hadn't been invited to. But then again, half of the people there probably hadn't been either.

We walked through the main door, and the loud music quickly made it impossible to talk to eachother. Armin, already very tipsy, clung to my arm, clearly not really able to walk by himself that good.

"This looks amazing!" He yelled, and I quickly sent him a smile and a nod so I wouldn't have to yell as well.

There was so many people in the room, and the light was dimmed a bit, making it hard to recognise anyone. Something was pressed into my hand suddenly, and before I could see who had giving me it, they had disappeared into the mass of people.

It was a red cup filled with alcohol, probably cola with vodka. Wanting to get to the other peoples level, I quickly drank it, and before I even put the cup down I could already feel my heart beat faster.

10 minutes after, Armin and I were dancing in the middle of the dancefloor. I was already sweating, but that was the least of the things on my mind.

No, actually there was nothing on my mind at all. I just threw my body around, moving my hips to match the beat of the song. My hair kept getting in my eyes, causing me to shake my head several times. 

There had become so many people dancing on the floor though, that we couldn't avoid touching eachother.

At some point, Armin had went to find Connie and the others, leaving me to myself. I didn't mind though.

Didn't Mikasa want me to loosen up and have fun?

That was exactly what I was doing. I wasn't paying attention to the people around me, only focusing on the music playing in my ears. I hadn't danced like this in years.

It felt really good to be able to just move like this, not having a single care in the world. Not worrying what other people thought. Not worrying about my own thoughts as well.

The alcohol were running through my veins, and my heart was beating so loudly, that I could feel it in my eardrums. Or was that the bass from the song?

I couldn't tell. I didn't care.

I closed my eyes, and kept on dancing. When I opened them again, a different sight was waiting for me.

Two people had gone to stand up on the table not even 2 meters from me, so that everyone could see them. They danced close up of each other, they're bodies moving along as if they secretly belonged together. I couldn't remove my gaze from them – it was too mesmerizing. The girl had her brown hair up in a ponytail, wearing only leather pants and a top that showed her stomach. The guy was wearing no shirt at all, only black pants. In the flicker of lights, I noticed of the sweat glinsed from his clear abs, and I bit hard down on my lip.

It looked _so sexy_ , when he moved his body, making me wish that I was up there instead of the girl. She threw her head back just as the lights flickered again, and I recognised her in a heartbeat.

It was Hanji, the girl that had called Rivaille for Riri.

I started moving past the people between me and the table, to get over to her. When I finally had pushed my way through, I looked up again. They hadn't noticed me yet, seeming as if they were spaced out in their own world.

It looked so hot when they danced together, both bodies pressed up against eachother, and in the second that I thought to myself that the guy was probably her boyfriend, the lights flickered again to reveal his face.

Rivaille.

I gasped, throwing my hand up to cover my mouth. What the hell was he doing here? He didn't seem like the person who liked parties, and he _certainly_ did not look like someone who could dance like that.

Before being able to back away again, the song stopped and that made Hanji look around, noticing me.

"EREN!" She almost screamed, jumping down from the table to hug me. I returned it awkwardly, smiling at her.

"Hey!" I yelled, but she didn't seem to hear me. I tried to stop myself, but I ended up looking at Rivaille who was still standing on the table. His eyes were on me as well, but the black locks of hair was covering the most of his face, not giving me the chance to see his expression.

I waved at him in an awkward manner, not sure what else to do. Hanji had disappeared from my side, making me feel rather insecure, something that even the alcohol couldn't supress.

A hand was suddenly in front of my face as a silent invitation, and before I could think, I just grabbed it. Rivaille pulled me up on the table with incredible strength, making me dizzy for a second. The new song had already started playing, and before being able to do anything myself, Rivaille had already started dancing again. It was easy to see that he had been drinking himself, even more than me, but that didn't have an effect on his moves though. He pressed his chest close to mine for a few seconds, moving his hips against mine, before turning away to do spin around.

Letting go of all the things that told me not to, I started dancing as well. With Rivaille, it was easier to move my body against his than it had been with Armin, making it feel more natural. Rivaille suddenly grabbed my leather jacket, pulling me towards him before removing it slowly from my body. I let him, trying to hold my breath when his face got close to mine. He threw it away, giving me no chance at all to even see where it landed, before mesmerizing me again. This time, though, our eyes locked together as we kept dancing. This went on for a few more songs, totally caught up in ourselves to notice how others where watching us.

When the fourth song ended, I was sweating so much that I almost couldn't breathe. I forced myself to tear my body away from his, so I could stumble down from the table, and try to get through the tight crowd. Not knowing where the hell I was really going, I ended up going up the stairs and into the first door that was there.

Luckily, it was bathroom, which was just what I needed. I turned the water on in the sink, and cupped my hands under the running, cold water. I drank until I had fulfilled my thirst, and then proceeded to splash water onto my flustered face. It cooled me down instantly, and I then turned the water off. When I looked up again and turned around, I wasn't alone anymore.

"Not only can you sing, but you can also dance," Rivaille said, crossing his arms while leaning his one shoulder against the closed door. He was smirking, and his eyes were almost smouldering. I bit my bottom lip.

"You just keep surprising me,"

The way he looked at me, like I was a delicious meal for him to eat, made me shiver.

It was _lust_.

"I could say the same thing to you," I said, pressing my back against the counter. The cold surface wasn't enough to calm me down though, as my heart kept on beating faster. Or maybe that was because Rivaille had started to walk towards me.

"I'm sorry about our fight," He said, first stopping when he was right in front of me. "I mean, you were right, of course. You like girls, and that... That was why you were dancing with me like that … " He looked at me, challenging me to say something.

"Y-Yeah," I muttered, too drunk to be able to think straight. Or maybe it was Rivaille being so close to me that influenced my thought process. Whatever it was, my sight was a bit blurry, and my breathing was becoming irregular.

"And when I do this," Rivaille put his hands on my waist, and pressed his hips against mine. He was swaying slowly, pressing his lower body against mine. I bit my bottom lip hard not to let out a moan. "Then you don't feel anything towards me, right?"

"Y-Yeah … That's right," I muttered, trying to stay calm, something that I clearly wasn't really able to.

"Then how can you explain this?" I saw how his hand moved down, and he removed his lower body from mine, so he could place the hand over the bulge in my pants. I gulped, yet I wasn't able to look away from his eyes.

"Nghhh," I groaned, when he gently started moving his hand up and down, making me pant loudly.

"Rivaille, please," I said, placing my right hand on his shoulder and the other on his chest. I didn't push him away though, my whole body just shivered. He leaned in, pressing his chest against my hands weak strength, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You say that, but your body is telling a whole other story,"

His other hand had undone my pant's buttons and zipper without me even realising it, so when he removed his hand, I only had time to take one deep breath, before I could feel his small fingers slipped under my underwear. I gasped loudly when I felt his fingers wrap around my throbbing member, making my hips erratically thrust themselves forward. I saw how Rivaille smirked, before his index and middle finger started moved my foreskin down to expose the forehead. His finger touched it lightly, but it was enough to make me moan.

When he finally felt like he had teased me enough, he started moving his whole hand, slowly up and down. My hips moved in the same pace as his movements, even though he trying to press his body against mine to reduce the motion my body made.

"R-Rivaille," I gasped, boring my fingernails into his skin. I wasn't even aware of it myself, but luckily Rivaille didn't mind. Or react to it watsoever.

"F-Fuck," I panted, when his moves started becoming more wild and quicker.

"You don't like girls Eren," Rivaille said, staring deeply into my eyes. "Admit it. You like _this_ … "

I wasn't able to answer him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't have enough air in my lungs both to speak and to breathe.

"Admit that you got turned on by me, that you _like it_ when I touch you like this,"

I could hear how his breathing had become like panting as well, but not as bad as mine was though.

"Y-Yes … " I was finally able to say, but it didn't satisfy Rivaille enough.

"What did you say? I don't think I heard you?"

His movements became slower again, almost torturing me. I felt my whole body yearning for me to reach climax, but he wouldn't let me. Not before I said it.

"I-I admit it!" I yelled, boring my nails further into him. "Rivaille … Please,"

I was at the point of literally begging him. Finally pleased with my answer, he started moving his hand quicker and quicker, his grip tightening. It hadn't even been 10 seconds, before my hips thrusted forward for the last time, as I came into his hand.

My head fell forward to lean on his shoulder, while I tried to get my breathing under control. I felt how he released his grip on me, removing his hand from my underwear, and then gently pulled away from me, so he could wash his hands.

I was still supporting myself against the counter, not really sure if I would be able to stand up by myself.

I tried blinking a few times, looking down at my pants that was still unbuttoned.

My mind was hazy, and my sight was a blur, stopping me from a complete realisation.

_What had just happened?_


	10. Realisation

Saturday, 29.11.14

That morning, I woke up with a dreadful headache. The whole night had been a blur from the moment I had drunk the first cup of alcohol, and now I was having a hard time remembering the rest of the events from the night.

"Are you ready, Eren? We have to be there in an hour," Mikasa said, knocking on my door when she walked past it. The loud noise made me cringe, pulling the pillow over my head.

I still reeked of sweat and alcohol, so I would definitely need to take a shower. I just had force myself up from my bed, and sadly, I was not ready to do that yet.

"Nghh …" I mumbled, staying in bed for a few more minutes, before dragging myself out of bed and into the shower. The water finally woke me up, and I felt completely awake when I had gotten dressed as well. As I walked downstairs, I started to hear loud voices coming from the kitchen, and I quickly went in there to investigate.

Mikasa and dad was arguing again, over what I had no idea since they stopped yelling the second I made my presence known.

"What's going on?" I asked, feeling the tension in the air.

"Nothing," Mikasa growled, walking towards me. "We're leaving, come on Eren,"

She grabbed my arm, pulling me out in the hallway.

"Hey, Mikasa, what's happening?" I asked confused, almost stumbling over my own feet.

"Get your shoes and jacket," She commanded, and I did as I was told. We left in a hurry, grabbing our bikes and riding fast towards the school.

"What was all that about?" I asked, starting to get a bit worried now.

"He's just being a dick," Mikasa said, rolling her eyes as we locked our bicycles in the otherwise empty shed.

"It doesn't matter, Eren. I talked him out of it anyway,"

I bit my lip once again, but I didn't ask any further questions.

We walked to the music room in silence, where everyone had already gathered, only waiting for us to arrive.

I noticed how Rivaille looked at me with curiousity, but I wasn't sure why, so I just focused on the others.

Armin looked as horrible as I felt. The others looked completely indifferent.

"I can't believe it's already tomorrow!" I said, clapping my hands together. The loud sound made me cringe though, and I promised myself never to do that again.

"It's gonna be great!" Armin said, though looking tired.

He was probably suffering from the same hangover as I was.

"Let's just get this over with," Connie grinned, jumping up and down. He was clearly eager to play the drums again.

"How can you be like that?" I asked, placing my palm against my head. "Didn't you drink anything last night?"

Connie rolled his eyes.

"Are you stupid, Eren? If I did, then how would I have been able to drive you home last night?"  
"You did?" I asked slowly, trying to remember.

"Yeah. Shit, you were so wasted," He grinned, giving me a gentle nudge.

"Can you even remember anything from last night?"

I slowly shook my head, scratching my forehead.  
"No, it's all pretty much a blur," I mumbled, noticing how disappointment suddenly struck Rivaille's face for a short moment, before going back to being blank.

"Dude, you should have seen yourself. Dancing on the tables with Rivaille, and – "

"I did _what_?" I felt how my cheeks started blushing, the temperature rising in my face.

"Yeah, you guys were really going at it, like there was no tomorrow," Connie grinned, slapping my back before going to the stage.

"Enough talk, let's do this!" Mikasa said annoyed, following after Connie.

Armin winked at me, laughing as well, before walking over to the keyboard.

That left me and Rivaille, him standing with arms crossed over his chest. He walked over to me, and stepped up on his toes so his lips could reach my right ear.

" _That wasn't the only thing we did_ ," He whispered, before walking over to the microphone, as if nothing had happened. I stared at them all, suddenly feeling that all colour had left my face.

Ehh?!

\- - - - - 

Even though my concentration had been absolutely elsewhere, I still got through the practice without making any mistakes. We cut it short when we all realised that there really wasn't anything else to practice.

We were as ready as we could possible be.

We had decided to go to a coffee house afterwards to celebrate and prepare ourselves together for the big day tomorrow. Connie had borrowed his parents car once again, but only one look from Rivaille had made Connie hand the keys over to him.

It was understandable though, that Rivaille, as the senior, couldn't be seen being driven around by some junior when he was perfectly capable of doing it himself.

They went to the local coffee house in town, which had a very cozy atmosphere. We sat down at the table in the back, so we could have the place to ourselves.

Mikasa ordered an expresso, while both Armin and Rivaille went with green tea. Connie wanted a smoothie, and I ended up with a small cafe latte.

It was a sofa and 3 chairs surrounding it, and I had carefully chosen one of the chairs to sit on, when Rivaille had placed himself in the sofa. Though when Armin and I had went to the toilet, he had ended up going back before I had, which had resulted in him taking my spot.

I was 80% sure that he had done it on purpose, but since I didn't have any evidence against it, I just growled at him while sitting down beside Rivaille.

Connie had been the first one to leave, when he had gotten a call from his mom saying that they needed the car back. After that, we stayed there for 30 more minutes talking, before Armin had gotten up.

"Mikasa, I need you to help me with something," He stated, confusing Mikasa.

"Why?" She asked, her tone telling him that she did not want to leave.

"I need to buy something, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so,"

With the thought of them leaving me alone with Rivaille, I quickly stood up as well.

"Armin, I'll help you!" I said, looking at him with pleading eyes that screamed please don't do this.

"No Eren, you can't come with," Armin shook his head, grabbing Mikasa's hand.

"It's a present for you, you see," He smiled, and when I finally realised what he was talking about, he and Mikasa was already out the door.

"A present?" A deep voice asked behind me, and I slowly turned around to meet Rivaille's gaze.

"Ugh," I muttered in annoyance, and fell back onto the couch with a despairing countenance.

"Tell me," Rivaille said, and I could hear how he had become more curious.

I shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

"My birthday is coming up soon, and Armin has this weird gift fetish … " I laughed it off, leaning further back to rest my head against the cushion. I watched as he turned is upper body, so he could face me more clearly.

"Is that so?" He mumbled, looking thoughtful.

"Oh god, not you as well," I sighed, feeling rather awkward by the conversation.

"Please don't. I don't want to make a big deal about it," I said, not really expecting him to listen to me though.

"That's fine. I feel the same way with my birthdays. Hanji always goes crazy, even though I tell her not to do anything – "

"That's exactly what's happening with Armin! He just won't listen!"

"And then they go out and make a surprise party, telling more people, getting more silly, little gifts from people that you've only talked to twice in your life,"

"I've experienced the same damn thing!"

We looked at each other, bursting out in laughter at the same time. If was hard to stop after that, and we probably sat there for several minutes, laughing our asses off.

When the laughter became a chuckle and then finally dying out, we both leaned back into the cushion at the same time, exhausted from laughing so hard.

"Our friends are crazy," Rivaille muttered for him self, and I felt myself nod.

"Mmmh," I mumbled in agreement.

I turned my head to look at him again, realising that we were much closer than before. The relaxed atmosphere between us tensed up when he turned his head as well, so our noses bumped together.

His grey eyes met mine, and I noticed how they had somehow become a bit larger. Or maybe it was just because I had never been so close to him before now.

If I only reached in a tiny bit more … Only a few inches … I swallowed, parting my lips to breathe through them. He could probably smell my coffee breath, but I didn't care. I knew I wouldn't be able to breath through my nose in this particular scenario.

His hand slowly reached up, but stopped in the last motion, as if he was hesitating, afraid that I would pull away.

When I didn't, he proceeded to caress my cheek. His thumb slided down, slowly moving over my bottom lip. I flinched automatically by the pain, but I still didn't move away from him.

"Your lip … " He whispered, looking worried at me. "Did someone do this to you?"

"I did it to myself," I answered, whispering as well. "When I get angry, or nervous, or just annoyed … I just bite down on it," I looked at him, my eyebrows furrowing. "Does it look bad?"

Rivaille smiled fondly at me, making me relax a bit.

"Not at all,"

My teeth had not been kind to it, and I wasn't unfamiliar with the taste of blood when I bit down on it, so I knew that he was lying.

A sudden realisation hit me suddenly, making my heart beat faster.

What if he had wanted to kiss me, but now wouldn't because of it? Did it look so appalling to him, that it would scare him away?

Terrified by this, I grabbed his t-shirt at his chest, until my knuckles because white.

"Rivaille,"

He raised an eyebrow when I whispered his name, probably hearing the desperation in my voice.

Why was I suddenly so anxious for him not kissing me? Why did I suddenly want him to kiss me now, when I hadn't before? Why was I even having such thoughts, when I didn't even know what I was doing … What I getting myself entangled in?

I didn't know the answer to these questions. The only thing I _did_ know, was that I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to know what it was to feel his lips against mine.

I flattened out my hand on his chest, releasing his shirt from my tight grip. I could feel how fast his heart was beating, and in surprise I looked from my hand and back into his eyes.

He looked so calm and collected, it was hard to understand how his heart was racing so fast, _just like mine did._

"Kiss me,"

I finally pressed the words out of me, even though it hard been insanely hard to do. But I didn't need to tell him twice, and we both knew that. It was like he had only been waiting for me to say it.

His hand slided back, grabbing my neck gently, before tilting his head one side and then leaning in towards me.

Our lips finally met, though there was almost no pressure at all. I felt like I was melting, burning up, and wanting more. But every time I pressed my lips harder against his, my bottom lip started to sting, making me gasp for air that was caused by the pain.

Rivaille seemed to notice, because he slightly pulled away a few inches. Not knowing his attentions, I just stayed still. His small lips started kissing both corners of my mouth, and I closed my eyes to enjoy it to the fullest. I then felt something warm and wet slide over my bottom lip, and it was finally something that didn't hurt.

I quickly realised that he was licking it erotically with his tongue. I panted, starting to feel excited and anxious to kiss him properly.

How had I been so afraid of this? This felt so amazing, I felt like I couldn't get enough of it.

My hands grabbed his shoulders to force him further towards me.

"Eren, wait – "

I shut out his voice from my head, pressing my lips against his in a more roughly manner, while ignoring the pain from my lower lip. Rivaille hadn't been quick enough to stop me, but surely he was strong enough to push me away now.

I breathed heavily, my vision blurry for a short moment. When it came back, I was surprised to see Rivaille blushing, trying to cover it with his hand.

"We're still in public, you little brat," He hissed irritated, but I could hear how he was out of breath as well.

I wanted to jump up from the cushion and get home as soon as possible, or suggest going out in the bathroom, but I somehow contained my urges. I pulled a bit away from him to look around to make sure, but there was no one who would be able to see us.

"There's no one here," I stated, and stared at him, a look filled with lust. I could see it being reflected in his eyes as well.

The desire for _more._

"Armin and Mikasa could come back at every second now," He suddenly said, standing up to abruptly stop anything from going any further.

I looked at him disappointed, before standing up as well.

Why was he suddenly being on the fence like this? I thought he had been wanting to do this for a long time. Or was that just something that I had deluded myself to think? All those moment we had had, even just the slightest touch from him had set me on fire, making me nervous and feeling weird … Had I been the only one feeling the connection between us?

Slowly I was coming to my senses again, when we finally had more distance between us.

"We should probably just go home, even if they come back then I don't think they expect us to be waiting for them," Rivaille said, looking at me shortly. I nodded in agreement, but not because I had some kind of secret agenda anymore. Finally being able to think straight, I had also gotten my common sense back, telling me that what I had been doing was something that wasn't supposed to happen again.

It was just a one-time thing.

I had absolutely no idea where that odd urge had come from, wanting to do such a thing … The connection between us – it was probably just me being intimidated by his impressive talent and puzzling personality.

I wanted to slap myself, though I wasn't sure if it was because I actually liked him, or because I was forcing myself to believe that I didn't.

"Sure," I mumbled, following in his footsteps as he walked out of the coffee house. We went to the nearest bus stop, and then just stood in silence to wait for the bus.

At that point, it had finally hit me.

I had kissed Rivaille.

A boy.

Rivaille.

Kissed.

Even just the memory of it seemed to get my whole body excited, that even my fingertips started to feel a tingling.

Why was I getting so worked up?

The bus arrived only 5 minutes after, and we went all the way in the back so we were able to keep a look out of the whole bus.

I was the one sitting at the window, so I ended up looking out of it to observe the landscape. A hand on my leg distracted me completely though, only a few minutes after.

"Eren, shh," Rivaille whispered, referring to the little gasp of surprise that I had let out.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, my eyes shifting from his face to his hand that was still placed on my thigh.

"I want to ask you something," He said in a low voice, which made me intriged. I leaned in to hear it, somewhat confused as well.

"Yesterday, you admitted something to me … " He said slowly, dragging it out. I looked at him in surprise.

"When did I do that?" I asked, not even sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"When we where in the bathroom,"

My eyebrows went up, and I started to imagine horrible scenes between me and Rivaille.

Had he seen me pee?

Throw up?

… Worse?

I gulped. Why couldn't I remember that damn night?

"I want to know if you remember that,"

I looked at him only for a second, before shaking my head.

"No … Sorry,"

He looked disappointed, the same look he had had in the music room when the others had talked about it too. But his frown quickly turned into a smirk when he leaned closer.

"Then I'll just have to make you say it again, won't I?" He whispered in my ear, before pulling away as quickly as before, leaving me confused.

As if the timing couldn't have been better, the small TV box inside the bus told us that we had to get off at the next stop.

The bus stopped only a few seconds after that, and we got out of it as fast as possible.

We where at the school again, since it was the last stop on the bus's drive, so we just started walking from there on out.

"What did you mean, that you will make me say it again? What is ' _it_ '?" I asked curiously, looking at him. He was walking at my side, with both his hands buried in his pockets. He didn't seem to have heard me, so I gave him a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

"Oi, what the hell, brat?" He said, looking at me in surprise.

"You didn't hear what I said!" I explained, which made him roll his eyes. He paused for a second, looking at me thoughtfully.

"I won't tell you yet," He said, grinning. "You'll have to wait and see,"

I looked at him, pursing my lips.

"Come on!" I exclaimed, grabbing his arm to shake him a little. "I want to know!"

"Don't push it," He said, pulling his hand from his pocket so he was able to nudge me back.

"You're such a meanie," I stated, finally giving up.

"And you are such a brat," He laughed, before putting his hand back into his pocket.

After that, we walked in silence for the rest of the way. When we came to our crossing, we both stopped to look at each other.

I had absolutely no idea what to do. Did we say goodbye? Wave? Or even hug, maybe?

He seemed to be hesitating as well, I noticed.

I had seen in movies how to say goodbye properly after a date, but problem was that this hadn't been a date at all.

Sure, we had kissed, but … But …

I bit my lip, looking down as I realised.

As if he was able to hear my thoughts, Rivaille stepped towards me.

"Eren," He said, making my heart skip a beat. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded, watching him as he moved closer yet again.

"Back at the coffee. Was that … Your first kiss?"

I bit my lip when my eyes started to flicker.

"What? Pff, no of course not," I lied, starting to wave my hands erratically in front of my face. He grabbed me by my wrist though, preventing me from moving any further.

"Eren," He said with a stern voice, his gaze capturing mine completely.

"I swear, it wasn't! I've kissed tons of other - "

"Eren,"

"Fine!"

I sighed.

"Yeah … It was," I mumbled lowly, chewing on my lip. Rivaille instantly grabbed my chin, and pulled my face down towards his.

He kissed me once again, but this time it was over too quickly. I threw my head back, looking at him with a mix of confusion and anger.

"What the hell was that for?!" I bursted out, taking a step back.

"That was for you, torturing your lip. From now on, everytime you bite it, I will kiss you,"

He looked very serious, which made me tense up immidiately.

"You can't just do that!" I said, too shocked to think of anything else.

"Yes, I can," He just stated, before turning around and starting to walk away. I clenched my hands, and before I was able to stop myself, I thrusted my whole body forward, running up to stand in front of him again. He stopped, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-You can't just kiss me whenever you feel like it!" I said loudly. When the words finally came out of my mouth, I couldn't stop myself from blushing a bit.

" As I recall, we've already done more than just kissing, so I think a little kiss now and then won't hurt you," He said with a smirk, crossing his arms.

I looked at him, hearing the words, but not understanding them at all.

"What the hell are you talking abou – Ahh!"

The next thing I knew, I found myself lying in the grass with Rivaille on top of me. He was pinning me down, to hover over my body. I felt my face getting flustered immidiately, quickly turning my head as far as I could to the left so I wouldn't be able to look at him.

"Let me go!" I exclaimed, trying to kick him off me with my legs. But he was holding me down with so much strength, that there was no way I would be able to get out of this position by myself.

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to know?" He said, suddenly sounding so innocent. Not being fooled, I shut my eyes not to look at him.

"Wanted to know what?" I asked, though I wasn't being as loud as before.

"Wanted to know what happened yesterday," He whispered, and I could feel his warm breath on my neck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you tried to rape me last night!" I said sarcastically, trying to get my hands free again. My strength didn't match his at all, clearly, making it a short fight.

Hearing my words, he laughed.

"You think I'm trying to rape you? No Eren, I'm just showing you what happened,"

Rivaille started to move his hips in slow circles on my lap, clearly teasing me.

"S-Stop it!" I said, though not being able to hide how my voice was already starting to shake.

"You got hard already," He said, sounding surprised. He could distinctly feel the clear bulge in my pants "Just like last night,"

I clenched my jaw, while the embarassment rolled in over me.

Was he teling the truth?

"And then, I opened your zipper and started playing with it," He whispered, still moving his head. Yet, his hands were still holding mine, thank god.

"You were a complete mess … Moaning my name, sweating,"

I finally opened my eyes to look at him, while trying to focus on my breathing at the same time. If I lost control of it now, I definitely wouldn't get it back again.

"You were so hot, and we were so drunk," He kept on telling, looking at me with his dark eyes. "You didn't hold out for very long though. You even came in my hand," He said with a teasing tone, making me blush again.

"You're lying!" I bursted out, not wanting to believe him.

"Do you really think I would be so pathetic as to make something like that up?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I didn't answer that.

"And that was when I made you admit to me that you didn't like girls," He then said, realising my hands as well, so he could sit up straight.

"You admitted to liking doing that with me, _Eren_ ,"

He said my name with such lust, I would probably would have allowed him to kiss me without even fighting back, just because it turned me on so much.

_Turned me on?_

I gasped, surprised by my own words. Perhaps he was right.

I _did_ like it. I liked it when he had kissed me, even when he was just been near my face I had been excited. It gave me the chills when he touched me, even if it was only the slightest touch, not even on purpose.

And the constant knot in my stomach when I had been with him, hadn't really been a knot. It had been _butterflies_. Because of me being so nervous around him all the time.

When he had finally kissed me today, I had felt like I was burning up, like my whole body had been set on fire by the passion and lust that I felt towards him.

Even now, just by looking at him, I wanted to reach up and pull him face down to mine.

There was no time for that though, since Rivaille had already got up again. He reached out his hand to help me up, and I nervously grabbed it.

"I don't want you to lie to yourself any more, Eren, because I really don't think that I can wait for you any longer,"

I looked at him, all colour ran from my face.

"W-What?" I asked, sadness filled my voice. Was he leaving me? "What do you mean with that?"

"That I can't seem to keep my hands off of you," He said, laughing for a moment before becoming serious again. "But you need to realise that –"

"I realise!" I interrupted, taking a step forward. He didn't need to say anymore, because I already understood what he meant.

"W-What?" He said, obviously very surprised. He had probably prepared a whole lot more to say, getting ready to get all hot and bothered about my resistance.

But I wasn't resisting it no more.

I had already realised it.

Realised that I was in love with Rivaille.


	11. Say Please

Saturday, 29.11.14

It had not been appropriate at all to just leave after all that, to go our seperate ways, so I ended up walking with him to his home.

I texted Mikasa that I wouldn't be home for the next couple of hours, so she wouldn't have to worry too much.

It had been dinnertime when we got there, and Isabelle was already in the making of dinner. She had gotten so excited to see me again, that I ended up hugging her for a longer period of time that normal people ought to.

We had all eaten together, while talking and laughing loudly. It was warm and cozy in their house, and I felt so happy to be so comfortable – even to feel like I belonged there.

After dinner, we had gotten up to his bedroom, where we immidiately just crawled under the duvet and started to slumber lightly, still too full from all the food.

"Ahh – That was absolutely amazing. Isabelle is such a good cook," I mumbled sleepily, and moved my head over to rest on his chest.

It was odd, how quickly I had come to terms with this. Yet, it semmed so natural for me to be with him like this.

I had been deluding myself for so long, that when I had finally realised my feelings, it had been so easy to just go with it.

To just accept it.

"Yeah, all the men and women in our family are excellent at cooking," Rivaille said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I laughed, slapping his stomach with a flat hand.

"Oh please, Rivaille, _please_ stop being so modest," I said sarcastically, trying to suffocate my own laughter.

"I love it, when you say that to me," He suddenly said, in a whole other tone now. I looked up at him, to understand what he meant.

"Say what?"

" _Please_ ," He said, sending me a teasing smile. I raised an eyebrow, looking like I was judging him.

"Seriously? Jeez, Rivaille, you have some seriously weird fetishes … " I didn't even try to hide my laughter afterwards.

"Oh yeah?" He said, licking his lips slowly. "If you think that is weird, then wait until you see what I have hiding in my closet,"

Naive as I was, I pulled away, sitting up.

" _What_?!" I exclaimed, looking at him with big, shocked eyes.

"It was a joke!" He quickly explained, before bursting out in laughter.

"Jesus, Eren, you're really easy to deceive,"

I rolled my eyes, though I wasn't lying back down again. Rivaille put his arms behind his neck to look up at me. I returned his gaze, not really sure how I should do want I wanted to do.

"What is it?" Rivaille said, when he noticed the odd expression on my face.

"Nothing, I just … " I took a deep breath, before swinging my right leg over his body, so my knees were on both of his sides.

Rivaille didn't move, except from removing his hands from his neck to let his arms fall down and his hands land on my thighs.

I leaned over him, slowly and hesistantly, but in the end I still ended up with my face in front of his.

I had had my first kiss this weekend, even my first handjob apparently, even though I didn't remember it.

I had realised my feelings for Rivaille.

Furthermore I had just stopped lying to myself.

I didn't want to do anything wild or crazy at this moment, I just … I wanted to be the one in control for once. The one who would be in control of the movements and touches. I wanted to be the one dominating, not being the one who was being dominated.

I never got that far though, as a knock on the door was heard.

"Darlings?"

Quickly blushing just from the thought of Rivaille's grandmother walking in to see us in such a position, I removed myself from him to stand up. I went over to the door to open it, and I looked down to face his grandmother.

"What's up, Isabelle?" I said, trying to sound relaxed.

"You have been rather quiet, so I just wanted to come and check on you. See if everything is alright,"

She sent me a sweet smile, and I returned it, not really sure what to answer though.

" _Pardon Isabelle_ , we just wanted to relax a bit before starting to practice again," Rivaille said casually, as if lying to his sweet, innocent grandmother was the easiest thing in the world.

"Alright then," She smiled, yet she didn't move from the door.

"Eh … " I started to feel awkward, as she kept her eyes on me, not having any intentions of saying anything else. "Do you need anything else?"

She shook her head slowly, before stepping closer, placing a hand on my chest.

"Not really, no. I just wanted to tell you that I am glad you are here, Eren,"

Without realising, my whole face got flustered, and I looked down at her hand. I was sure that she could feel how fast my heart was beating.

"Um … You're welcome?" I answered, not really sure why she was suddenly telling me this. She was so close to me, and she had whispered it, probably making sure that Rivaille wouldn't be able to hear us.

"You're a good boy," She said, before finally stepping back. "I'm counting on you,"

"For what?" I wasn't sure what she was trying to tell me, but before I got my answer, she had already turned around and started walking away.

I slowly closed the door after her, just staring into it for a moment, trying to understand.

"What is it?" Rivaille said, breaking the silence in the room. I turned around to face him.

"N-Nothing," I said after a second or two, sending him a smile.

"Hmm … " Rivaille raised an eyebrow, and I could see in his face how he was debating inside himself wether or not to ask further about it.

"Hand me the guitar, will you?"

I did as he commanded, and sat back in the bed with him, though this time on top of the duvet.

He started playing a random melody, and I leaned back against the wall when I started to relax.

"Are you nervous for tomorrow?" Rivaille asked me with a questionable look, though it didn't interrupt his playing.

"Um … A little," I admitted, sending him an apologetic smile. "I can't help it, I guess. Are you?"

He shook his head.

"No. I never get nervous,"

"It's healthy to get a little nervous," I muttered for myself, suddenly remembering the article that I had read that fact in.

Rivaille raised an eyebrow, which made me qucikly put up my hands in front of my face.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm not saying you're unhealthy or anything, I-I just … "

He kept his stare for another few seconds.

"Stupid brat," He mumbled under his breath, before clearing his throat out loud.

"This Jean guy … He is going to be there, right?"

As he was mentioned, Jean immidiately popped up in my head, instantly making me furious.

"Yeah," I said, clenching my jaw in anger. "He is,"

"You shouldn't let him get on your nerves like that," Rivaille stated, putting the guitar away, so that he could focus only on me. "You won't be able to perform well, if he decides to provoke you,"

"Who says that I'll let him?" I crossed my arms over my chest, as if I had to defend myself.

"Eren, your anger will get the best of you if you let it," Rivaille said calmly. "You're too easy to provoke,"

"That's bullshit!"

"Oh is it now?" Rivaille raised an eyebrow, watching me intensily. "Then why are you getting so worked up right now?"

It was true, I could feel how my whole body had tensed up. I let out a sigh, calming myself.

I was still mad about Jean, that was true as well. Even thinking about it pissed me off. I bit my lip hard, as I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I refused to let Jean control me any longer.

Rivaille had suddenly grabbed my head with both hands, roughly pulling my face towards his.

"Nggh!" He kissed me intensily, even if it was only for a few seconds before I was able to push myself away.

"Don't do that!" I protested, letting the back of my head slide over my mouth to remove the saliva. I breathed out heavily as my cheeks started to blush, leaving a darker shade of pink on my face.

"I already told you that if you kept biting your lip, I would kiss you,"

Feeling rather uncomfortable, I fell back to lean up against the wall at his bed, sighing loudly.

I didn't know what to answer, so I just kept quiet.

Sure, I had realised my feelings towards him, at the same time accepting that I liked someone who wasn't a girl, but that didn't mean that I so easily could just let him kiss me at that. I was nowhere near ready to be so cozy about it as Rivaille clearly was.

"What?" Rivaille looked at me, tilting his head to the side.

"H-How … How does this work?" I asked nervously, looking out into the room, as I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

"How does what work?"

So he was going to pretend that he didn't understand?

"This … Us … " I tried again, feeling oddly vulnerable. What was I getting so worked up over?

"How would you want it to work?"

"Huh?" I looked at him in surprise, not fully understanding what he was saying.

"There is no correct way. We do things the way we want to do – we decide for ourselves,"

Rivaille moved closer to me again, so that he was right in front of me. His hands landed on my shoulders, his mesmerizing eyes boring into mine. I swallowed, as I felt my head getting dizzy – his scent too intoxicating, his face too close to mine.

"So let me ask again … How would you want this to be?"


End file.
